Sunday: located the abstract I wrote and didn’t use, to revamp for the MLA. My goal this week is to work on this abstract so now I have done one thing toward that. Also this week I must do more toward that speaker, and work on syllabi and exams.
Re syllabi, one is the Bolaño syllabus. Each student will also read another Bolaño text. During the summer the librarians will help work on this syllabus. The last two weeks of class we won’t have new material, papers will be worked on and workshopped; they will be due the last day, distributed to everyone. On the day of the final each person will do a short presentation on their paper and take questions from an audience that has read it.
Monday: “Produce, and don’t bother us, but people don’t care what you think, and what you might say has no value, or has negative value.” This is why original work is hard for me. I don’t think my ideas have value, but I do think my products must satisfy in some immediate sense, to keep me from being thrown onto the street or killed, just for one more day. I made some progress on that abstract today.
I fear extreme violence. I fear I will bring it on myself by being myself and by working. This has also happened in real life. So I fear concentrating because I fear that if I do, a bomb will hit. The way to combat this is NOT to say these forces aren’t there, because they are, but to gather forces to fight them. That’s in fact what I used to do, before Reeducation!
You cannot recover from a trauma until the trauma ends, says the podcast. Has it ended? Not being able to process “negative” emotions, that’s American.
Axé.
coldhearted scientist وداد 