Odor and gaze
Lost from view (Without a trace)
NOT ALREADY PUBLISHED BY US (BUT REVISIT TO MAKE SURE OF WHAT HAS AND HAS NOT BEEN PUBLISHED IN TRANSLATION BY OTHERS)
Camino de tierra…
El humo se disipa…
Vienes en la noche…
El fuego la poesía…
MY SLOT is 15-20 minutes so I will try for 14. This is seven poems and the last is in six parts, so it is like twelve.
Here is someone worth knowing about.
I feel really alienated from work and really sad. But it is important to recognize, as Mitchell points out, that aggression is one reaction people can have to others’ achievement. I never understood this. I believed it when told I had done them wrong, and tried to disable myself so as not to hurt them again.
The automated university-as-a-business that Schumpeter desires fails to valorize the qualities of mind that follow from regular writing practices. A good writer of prose is also a good teacher, and can easily detect good ideas in well-written prose. The regular writer, then, does not need to spend as much time “teaching”. The student and the teacher are prepared by their respective efforts to prose the material. A quick bit of interaction. Some simple comments. Even something as a simple as a grade. That’s all it takes to move the student in the right direction. There’s the source.
And yes, that is what I would like back. I gave it up to Reeducation and then to harassment, and to my extreme sense of responsibility.
1/ To qualify our courses for supplemental instruction we will say we have raised the minimum competency level to graduate. There will be more to the request: we may have to point out that it is not possible, in the first three or four courses, to create people who can easily do the major without supplemental instruction (the alternative would be to hire more and more qualified faculty, so as to be able to have a coherent curriculum and stick to it, but since we cannot, we MUST be able to coach enough students to A+ in the lower level courses).
2/ My colleague will take over the honor society.
3/ My next mini-grant will be for library materials. The other one will be used by me for students — they will not each get their own spending accounts, but will have to sign an agreement to match the money spend on materials for them, and not expect never to buy or read a book.
4/ I have to post to Moodle for one course and put up instructions for a make-up written composition and oral composition for the other course.
5/ I have to grade very many papers.
6/ I will read at least two articles for my own reasons before I do any of the above.
I ordered Through a Lens Darkly, the DVD, and I should see again: Ethnic Notions and Color Adjustment. These are all about race and representation.
Rey talked about the militarization of plantation slavery in Cuba and penal servitude in Puerto Rico; plantation slavery resembled penal servitude.
I am getting somewhat better at treating myself decently, after 25 years of Reeducation-induced self-destruction. Part of it has to do with not saying I do not get enough done. In Reeducation: learning to deaden the self, so as not to function at such a high level (because Reeducation didn’t like it). Now: trying to hide from that pain enough to function at a high level of imagination, access to self, intellect. But in fact I need that destroyed portion of myself to be working, need to work from it. The only way to make that possible is not to speak so negatively, in all the ways I do this.
I have started to remember my dreams again. There is one about having treasure, in a way reminiscent of my old dream about barely making it through an occupied zone to a neutral country – one about a marvelous encounter – and one strange one about exploitative academic and real estate practices in California, that I need to think about.
I am going to open a document elsewhere for these old notes, and think about them.
NAPOLEON apparently said that in modernity the Black man cannot rise out of his misery (the structure of the modern world prevents it). I have to find this reference.
And on Cecilia — after the Haitian Revolution Spain decided to turn Cuba into the biggest sugar plantation in the world. In the 19th century Cuba was 43% enslaved, and 86% of the slave population had arrived after the British had abolished the slave trade. About prison construction: Spain in the 1765-1840 period turned peasants into labors by criminalization. This is material from Rey.
Things I notice about me: I am far more activist than most people, more of a leader and less resentful of institutional service. I am less tolerant of drudgery and monotonous detail than most academics. I am less sedentary and a better listener. I like all aspects of academic jobs but in some instances do not feel it is safe to say so, and in others do not feel I am authorized.
I even had impostor syndrome in college. I believed the entire thing had been set up as an illusion. I had not really gotten in, I had not really gotten these grades, my parents and aunt had just set the whole thing up as an illusion to entertain me, indulge me, since I was not really a person.
…I have been procrastinating research and service in favor of teaching and activism but feel worse about service I procrastinated on than about the research. Here is one thing…
I am working with the idea that the modern world was invented in and through America. Race is a key component of modern subjectivity, and the coloniality of power (Mignolo) is based on race.
I will put this in Evernote / OneNote and I will organize this computer desktop, and start putting my thoughts in order.