This is the third anniversary of the day this blog helped me to escape my X. August 1, 2006, after my escape and before the stalking started, was a really beautiful day. It was an unReeducated day, upon which all the marvelous things I had always thought must be true, were. In commemoration of this … More Anniversary


If I put lime on anything I am instantly transported to Latin America, where Reeducation does not reach me. I think I shall put lime on everything, every day, in addition to expanding myself through yoga. I have said it before but it is ever clearer to me how Reeducation insisted on the establishment of … More Lime

An Anti-Fear Yoga. More Notes for That Anti-Procrastination Piece.

I must finish losing the “home identity” I acquired in Reeducation. With this identity I am abusable at home and at my home institution. This makes it really hard to concentrate in the places I spend most of my time because I am always looking over my shoulder for the next blow. I am loath … More An Anti-Fear Yoga. More Notes for That Anti-Procrastination Piece.

Puerta de Acalá

I am flying today from Amsterdam to Madrid, where I have not been in thirty years. Longer ago than that, I studied at the Liceo Serrano. It was on Serrano then but has now changed as an institution and moved out of town. I lived on a street whose name was changed after Franco died. … More Puerta de Acalá

On Recrimination

It was also the recrimination, which I had resisted so far but which Reeducation finally drummed into my pores, that made it so hard to work. A year or two later a friend mentioned that he was trying to stop “yelling at himself” and I realized it was what Reeducation had taught me to do. … More On Recrimination


They will never give permission to say this, but I do. It is not about “codependency” or about “seeking difficult situations.” It is about having been trained to accept sadistic behavior as one’s lot, relinquishing one’s rights as man and citizen, and not having the tools to name and resist emotional bullying. And for me … More Reminder

Peeling Away

Update in real time: This post, like most in this blog, was written days or weeks ahead of time and is thus chronometrically fictional but these words are written in real time. The dream in reality was a dream about riding on the Deutsche Bahn which had superimposed upon it the Santa Ana Freeway and … More Peeling Away