In one of my departments people do not know how to send mass e-mails. They send them to the secretary, who then forwards them without editing content. We therefore see how the secretary has been addressed. One faculty member always addresses the secretary, “Firstname, dear, would you please forward this message to all faculty in [subject X]?
Do you think this is an appropriate way to address office staff? I have heard of it being done in the dark ages, but I have never before experienced it myself. I obviously do not approve of it, or I would not be raising the issue, but just how bad is it? Do you think the gender of the faculty member, or of the secretary, makes a difference?
Axé.
coldhearted scientist وداد 
Very bad, that’s what I think. I mean the “dear” part. Of course, I’m assuming that your colleague is a man and the admin asst a woman. But even if I imagine it reversed or the exchange from one woman to another I would still think the language to be condescending. (If the exchange is between a man and another man, please let us know — that would be fascinating!)
I think it’s bad, too! But I’m not revealing the gender of the people yet … not until more comments come in … however, readers, consider this: especially male readers with female secretaries: would it occur to *you* to do this and if not, why not? [Parallel question: white readers, would it occur to you to attend an office costume party, for a mixed race office, in blackface, in anno domini 2007, and if not, why not?]
I think it’s inappropriate terminology. More than that, I think the job of secretary is very inappropriate for most people. So, I regret to say that the job offends me much more than the terminology. Putting myself in the position of secretary, I would say that if I had accepted to do this sort of job, “dear” would merely confirm the farcicalness of it. However, if someone addressed me as “dear”, I would sure be tempted to reply, “Sure, honey.”
“dear” is only used with heavy irony in our department.
I think it is very inappropriate. (To me, it feels like the degree of impropriety probably does depend on both people’s gender.)
I’ve had a female secretary and, no, it has never occurred to me to talk to her that way! It feels demeaning and perhaps sexually harassing as well.
Blackface, er, no. Because it’s wildly offensive and sends a message that offense is ok. Similarly I would not punch people in the face at an office party. It sets the wrong tone.
What if both parties are women about the same age?
I guess it still feels wrong to me. It could offend, so why put it out there? (Some people do say “dear” to people they don’t even know, and I’ve never really understood how that works.)
Actually, I don’t find “dear” that offensive. It really depends on the intent behind it. I find it archaic.
Jennifer, It’s an interesting point. Older women behind store counters call me “dear” sometimes, and I don’t give it a second thought.
Sorry, my example doesn’t have much to do with the topic.
Well I have just made an acqaintance in rural africa, who calls me “dear”. He means well by it:
Subject: Hi Dear
Jennifer
I am so sorry I have not been available to write to you and to respond to you r emails.We are having daily power cuts here so the internet will be down.Its so boring to have electricity five hrs per day just close to mid night then its gone by day light.
Extend my regards to all.Things are tough here,price controls are the order of the day.and prices are being slashed and pple hording basic commodities from shelves.I will tell you more tomorrow
Howz your training.
Keep safe
If the person doing the asking is over 80 and not all there, “dear” is fine. Otherwise, not so much.
If the person doing the “dearing” is about the same age as the recipient, it’s a power thing–a way of expressing condescension under the guise of concern or friendliness. I’d “dear” her right back until she got the message.
Dear right back might work, the faculty member in question is the resident academic feminist … and what? power cuts in Australia?
zimbabwe
attend … I mean espera … I mean wait … you are currently located in Zimbabwe, Jennifer?
nope — Australia.
I am writing to someone in Zimbabwe. He is trying to set up a martial arts centre there, in rural Zimbabwe. I’m giving him advice and one or two resources.
Aha, now I get it! Yes … but persons in places like rural Africa get to speak in picturesque modes. Although both he and my colleague are making slight variations on the salutation in letters: “Dear Jennifer, …”
Yeah, I think that the person I am communicating with does have some old fashioned ideas about women–naturally. But I also think that I am so much more of a novelty for him, for that reason. Besides, I don’t like to police interactions. If someone shows me genuine disrespect then I will requite that, but I usually like to wait until it’s worth my efforts.
Yes!