…for the beginning of the semester.
1. Take complete control.
2. Do nothing optional that is not one hundred percent fun.
3. There is no opting out of exercise, sleep, or research/writing.
4. Eat really pure food even if it is too expensive.
5. Go out of town even when it is not really affordable.
6. Non grubbing, non drudge-like, non resigned, adult life now!
I have made lists of mantras and lemmas before. One, from when I was seeing my abusive and hypoglycemic X, said:
1. Take care of self.
2. Meet own needs.
3. Recognize discomfort.
4. Happiness now!
Earlier, I made one with the help of this same X. It said:
1. Fuck everyone and whatever they think.
2. Ban self doubt.
3. Change internal dialogue.
4. When considering any statement, consider the source.
5. Question the nature of orders: why believe? why internalize?
The lists are strangely similar but the current one is the most hedonistic. I have been heavily criticized for having and carrying out such a set of lemmas before. I am no longer listening, however.
Axé.
coldhearted scientist وداد 
I am physically ill today with the idea of school starting — very inconvenient as it makes it more difficult.
What I don’t look forward to, however, are precisely the elements I wouldn’t have to deal with in any job I would call normal. These must be minimized and ignored somehow…. although they are in fact 90% of this job, which is the problem.
Take care of yourself. Don’t overdo it.
Correct. And I will ignore the foolish rabble. And eschew self destructive persons even if they have positive qualities.
One of the great lessons of life I’ve learned is never to commit to something categorically. It’s unwise. Always give yourself room to move, to come and go as you please. Those who ask you to give an account of yourself in a categorical way are not your friends.
What I am chafing against is being patient with the infirm. One is taught this patience but I have run out of it and am now against it. No pity.
Just don’t think about them.
I have them doing things like faint in front of me. In these occasions options are call paramedics and tell them to deal with it, call paramedics and also go along to hospital, and call family. I opt for #1, it is the simplest.
*
Going through old-old academic notes and finding mixed in, notes on dealing with my infamous X, who used to faint all the time also.
One (this is from about 2004) says:
Side 1 says to be a yet more perfect, uncomplaining servant and also a complete star performer.
Side 2 says that is ridiculous and is embarrassed that Side 1 even exists and that it gets any credence.
Side 1 says Side 2 should not exist and since it does both must die — the one that should not exist and the other, that is aware of its existence.
Side 2 says the same of Side 1. Each side wants to kill the other and then itself.
Maybe you can ask someone else to call the paramedics? The best thing would be not to see the faint.
—
Cannot side one and side two learn to play with each other? So they disagree, but one side may have the edge in trickery, or game playing in another way. It’s called intrasubjectivity — the coordination of the elements of the inner self.
Yes, best would be not to see the faint / to let someone else call paramedics. That means certain people have to be avoided entirely.
The two sides — well they are invoked by one being placed in an impossible position. Otherwise I don’t relate to those two characters at all. I do note how terribly harsh they were to each other in that dialogue, though.
Yes, best would be not to see the faint / to let someone else call paramedics. That means certain people have to be avoided entirely.
If you can develop your intuition more highly, you may even be able to sense — and avoid — their wavelength (and its physical vicinity).
The two sides — well they are invoked by one being placed in an impossible position. Otherwise I don’t relate to those two characters at all. I do note how terribly harsh they were to each other in that dialogue, though.
and yet they are part of you.
2d point — or were. 1st — don’t need anything so mystical to detect this person, he’s a dear old friend dying of three diseases and being rather self destructive (and thus destructive to others) about it.
don’t need anything so mystical to detect this person,
Good — because I doubted the mystical thing would actually work, but sometimes its good to have something to focus on if you are in extreme distress. Even boxers have their talismans.
More like something to decide. No pity. My mother’s mantra: if they like you, you must hang out with them, especially if they are a poor little thing. And I also do like this friend and he needs friends now. BUT. If I am still exhausted by what he pulled at lunch on Sunday, it means I can’t afford even to have lunch.
Get. Out.
🙂 Yes.