Perhaps my versions of a memo yesterday were unsatisfactory because they were too restrained, and thus sounded too formal (and as I said, either too worried, or too challenging, or both). I wrote a more informal, less careful version that Sue liked better and Human liked less. I am erasing all rejected versions so I will not be tempted to return to them, or to use them — in other words, so as to rub out their grooves.
Axé.
coldhearted scientist وداد 
#2 is better.
Thank God, a comment!
So, it’s better — but is it good? Worth it? I am not sure.
SHORTER YET: BUT ALSO REJECTED. THE BEST VERSION SO FAR IS BELOW, THE ONE HUMAN LIKED. SUE THOUGHT TODAY’S FIRST WAS BETTER THAN YESTERDAY’S, AND HUMAN DIDN’T LIKE THE TODAY’S EARLIER ONE, SO BOTH OF THOSE ARE ELIMINATED AND ONLY ONE DRAFT IS LEFT, WHICH WE DO NOT YET KNOW WHETHER WE WILL USE.
P.S. But seriously and objectively, I think I am getting lost in details and my intuition is that I should drop this effort.
The reason I doubt that intuition is having learned that my Achilles heel is to suppose I am dealing with adults when I am not, and thus to leave open flanks I should not.
Advisors elsewhere have sometimes told me I am meek and mild to a fault, and that I would be wise to keep people on notice more than I do. Yet I am not sure this advice is good.
All of this is excruciating, yet ultimately unimportant. The important issue is in the next post (chronologically, one post more recent than this).
I want to send it but I want it to be shorter, and I do NOT think it should be scary.
Dear A,
I am clearing out my inbox for the year and have come upon this memo from you. We have already talked about some of the issues surrounding it and the circumstances in which it was written are past.
I had some concerns about it that I thought might be better addressed once the dust settled. I am not sure those concerns are still relevant. I had not found our conversation problematic. This memo’s formality took me aback and I wondered whether it had been prepared for my file. I am assuming not, but if it was, I would like to reserve the right to respond at some future point.
I would also like to reiterate my appreciation of your support for our voting on the matter that was at hand, and of the vote itself. This was very healthy for our unit.
As I have said before, your support for our unit generally and for all of its members has had a very positive effect on our work this year; we appreciate it greatly.
Enjoy your summer!
Best – Z
This version is much better; I don’t like the version in the post above because I think it is more likely to provoke a defensive and hostile reaction than the initial version you posted in the previous post.
O good, another comment. My question still is, is it really worth saying anything at all? I think it’s just ego that says yes, because rationally speaking I think the best smoothing out in this case comes from ignoring. One cannot say everything, after all.
The other thing about this administrator is that even if this is in my file, at least I have a copy of it. I’m sure others have things in my file that I don’t even know about, so I am just not convinced this is worth it.
According to what I’m told, as I say, I don’t watch my back enough. I’m just not convinced this kind of watching actually helps.
Also — I think the actual stronger move is to say nothing, although not everyone would agree. This brings me back to yesterday’s position.
First instincts in my case tend to be correct.
P.P.P.S. AAARGH!!! I am from the 20th century!!!
What I would have done with any former administrator in a situation like this would not have involved any writing at all.
I would go chat with them briefly at some mutually convenient moment and say, hey, is that memo you wrote several months ago in my file, or have I taken its formal tone too seriously? And they’d say yes or no, and if they said yes I’d say can we take it out? and say why I thought we should, and they would agree. Verily I say unto ye that this is what would have happened. But now, we must say everything in writing and everything is very legalistic, and also very touchy. It is nerve wracking, I must say.
These 21st century people seem to have whole houses of cards very carefully constructed in writing. They also seem to think writing fixes meaning in ways speech does not, and that it is somehow a “true” record not open to interpretation. I find this very odd, especially for people who work in literary theory.
I honestly don’t know whether it is better to say something or nothing. Sorry!
But can’t you ask to see your file and what is in it?
Technically yes, but it would be REALLY inflammatory.
I don’t know whether it’s better to say something or not, either, but I’m betting the document isn’t in my file.
I’m trying to figure out what it is I am really trying to accomplish here. Really it’s to say WTF, don’t send these weird documents around.
My issues:
1. A believed a malicious rumor and didn’t even ask me if it were true.
2. A came to discuss it and then sent this memo which did not take our discussion into account and made further insinuations.
3. The memo was bothersome because whether or not it went into file, it gave the impression that A was trying to build a case against me of some sort.
Ideally I’d like to say hey A, don’t do that, it was non nice and you were misinformed, and really now that you’re in this administrative job you should ask people before imputing to them as truth what malicious tongues say (it starts to get grievable at that point).
But: it’s clear that A sent the memo because she really wanted to assert power and is insecure. A is not bad but she does insist on being the Ruler and there isn’t collegial dialogue; it’s more like small talk + orders, this is how she’s always been and it is unlikely to change.
Given that, one is forced to be bureaucratic and formal at all times and everything is a power move. This I find maddening.
I’m still on the fence, obviously. The thing is that much has happened since and A already has enough information to conclude the memo was a blunder if she wants to do that/is able to do that — and may be embarrassed to have written it for all I know, and may not want it brought up.
She’s very sensitive and I at least think of her as someone who needs to be placated and tiptoed around, although I actually like her as administrator because she’s a lot more responsible and logical than some we’ve had.
Writing this comment has made me think that approaching her in person — my terms not hers, and no paper trail — and saying the 3 things I’ve said above really is the best. It doesn’t have to be done now.
Hm. Thanks for helping think about this.
My issues:
1. A believed a malicious rumor and didn’t even ask me if it were true.
2. A came to discuss it and then sent this memo which did not take our discussion into account and made further insinuations.
3. The memo was bothersome because whether or not it went into file, it gave the impression that A had fallen into the thrall of the rumor monger, as other administrators have done in the past, and was trying to build a case against me of some sort (and also represent me to myself in a certain way, get me to internalize the rumor, threaten me by saying she had decided to believe the rumor). It was also surprising because it didn’t seem to take the conversation we had had into account at all.
So I could say to A:
What I was saying to you in that conversation was:
Please do not take rumors and allegations at face value. They have motivations of which you may not be aware, as well as suppositions that are not always accurate.
Please ask other principals whether rumors are true before giving them directions based upon these.
Please realize that there are contexts you may not understand.
That is what I would REALLY like to say!
P.P.P.S. I could also say something really, really Machiavellian.
As in: on events surrounding this memo, thank you very much for your support of our unit’s voting on this issue, and for the assignation of exactly one vote to each person. Thank you for your assistance with the voting process itself, and for your support of the outcome.
It would be nice if the issue at hand were not such a quality of life issue for all of us, but given the circumstances, it is. Those of us holding professorial rank have long tried to “deny” that or “rise above it,” and it only became the proverbial elephant in the living room. It is thus wonderful for the 75% of us that wished for certain changes that these are at last able to be made.
Your willingness to allow input from all faculty on this matter and as I say, your support of voting by all and of the actual outcome of the vote, has contributed greatly toward the creation of a more democratic, more harassment free workplace and this is very much appreciated.
On a more personal note, I have found it very refreshing to be asked to speak for myself, based on my own expertise, rather than to partially jettison my own recommendations and speak from a middle of the road point of view that might in some way represent us all…. (There I could add something, and close.)
*****
Except that remembering everything that was said around this when it happened, I think REALLY that most of what I would want covered now WAS actually covered then, albeit indirectly.