My classes are brilliant today because I am so well prepared and because I decided to be in a good mood — and also because I am a really good lecturer and discussion leader.
The reason I am so well prepared is that I am prepared specifically, but also generally, based on years of study and research. These things should be not be surprising. But I had learned that:
→If your classes are going well, you must be falling behind in research.
→If your research is going well, you must not be a good teacher.
→If you are interested in research and you plan a full research program, you must be arrogant.
→If you are research oriented you are surely an over-intellectual, hyper-rational, unfeeling person.
I was good at resisting the first three of the sentences above, but the fourth one caught me. I renounced a great deal in a series of attempts at demonstrating it was not true. Before that I had spent some years not haunted by these ideas. I would like to spend more.
This is where my time goes, where the gaps in the day are — I am struggling against that sentence and against all the other prohibitions, which come down to this:
→If you did anything successful you must have spent too much time on it, so what you imagine to have been successful will really spell your downfall. You are not intelligent enough to see this, so I am warning you.
Axé.
coldhearted scientist وداد 