1/ “Patriarchal bullshit.” Just do it–but the question is just do what. The times I have just done it when it wasn’t what I wanted to do, were times when really I should have just said no. 2/ Reeducation. How did I fall under its spell? Recent events are a dramatization of it. a) Person … More Things to talk about
I am told to remember that they feel ENTITLEMENT and they want POWER and CONTROL. I am to follow my INSTINCTS about them and keep very strong BOUNDARIES. There are people whose interest is obstruction only. Axé.
My 23d year in this house and at last I have a desk that really is the right height. I feel completely different. Completely. I also have a solid kitchen floor, after 23 years. There are only a few more things to do and the house will be quite comfortable. I have new tires and … More Things
This is an exact description of what happened to me with my ill-fated Vallejo book. Its ill fate killed me and it took me a long time — seven years, I believe — to understand. If I had understood it then I could have worked on or with the situation. But I did not understand … More Pérez Firmat
This group is a non-profit but it depends upon the work of one member who thinks of that work as a way to live. They would like salary, and they have referred to us as a business. They are already getting reimbursed for mileage at the IRS business, not charity rate because they wanted to … More Why
On the concept of “feeling heard,” that I always mock. I do not ask of entities like the university that they merely hear me, I want them to actually do things (like hire on the tenure track). Being heard is nothing, I always say I want action.HOWEVER. What I always did want was to be … More Je te vois
These things are related to each other in the way that the Gothic is related to abuse, but the reason I have been thinking about both today is coincidental. I should read this book, I do not feel magical realism is a useful or interesting category but it appears others still do. On the harassment: … More Harassment and magical realism
I found these notes from long ago, before I started this blog, about abusive parents. It seems like another world now, but it explains some things. 1/ Parents and money. How did I/will I/would I feel when I/if I accepted financial help? Answer: murdered/nonexistent. 2/ They cannot handle emotions. Any adverse emotion leads them directly … More Notes from the past
I went to get that book from the library and it was there, along with two books of interest I had heard of and one I had not, so I checked out all four. It was amazing. This paper is not in my field, but in a field the university supports, and I feel like … More Support
I have some unfashionable views about gender, which I do not believe is entirely performative or entirely about identification. As a woman I cannot just say I want to be seen as a man and be seen as one. It’s very difficult to do and not all of those who try, succeed. I am still … More About passing, things you can’t say
coldhearted scientist وداد 