coldhearted scientist وداد

I once had a therapist who thought that because I was an academic, and could speak like one, I was necessarily dishonest about feelings. The ability to be precise, as a result of reflection based on feeling, was a bad thing, as it prevented this therapist from directing my feelings more completely. “Dishonesty,” as it finally turned out, meant not having the standard reactions to life he expected (as in, it was “dishonest” not to be concerned with marriage and children, since all honest women are). And, as I finally understood in the third year, not “feeling” meant not sharing all of his own fears (as in, not fearing my African-American neighbors). It also referred to not liking or being given to melodrama. (All healthy women, as you know, love melodrama.)

What confused him, I think in retrospect, was that I was more grown up and more open than some of his other clients. I was, however, not as grown up as I needed to be and had sought his help to become. I was also at that time non-judgmental to a fault. Since the therapist wanted, stereotypically, to find a closed client and teach them to be more open, I complied by dropping much more of my guard than I should have done. I accepted a very destructive invasion of boundaries and sanity. I am not willing to repeat this experience.

I have responded with personal reflection to recent comments from people like JFR and Undine, neither of whom I know (although I do know Undine’s good blog) because the interactions felt unproblematic. They also gave me the opportunity to think a little more about some of the topics which are in fact the raison d’être of this site.

Those were decisions I made. I gave JFR and Undine more information than they had asked for, by my own choice. I have had some other invitations to interact over the past few days. But I have already been to bad therapy, and I graduated from middle school long ago.

If anyone wishes to engage me at a deep level, and I have a bad feeling about their stability or their intentions, I may keep communication somewhat distant. This is, after all, a recreational website. It is not an encounter group.

Questions? Problems? I can be contacted directly at profacero@gmail.com. If you have a problem with me, I will be happy to work it out, but not through a blogospheric Jerry Springer Show.

Axé.