coldhearted scientist وداد

I am continually learning, of course, that it really is all right to do as I see fit. I learned at various points that my doing as I see fit might be challenging to people slightly less confident than I, and that it would be cruel of me not to defer to that so that they could remain comfortable. That, of course, does me no good at all.

Recently, I have come to understand that it really is not sensible of me to try to stay at home when classes are not in session. It is either too hot, or too desolate, or both. What I must do — not as a luxury but as a way to maintain basic mental health and to remain in shape to work, and thus to support myself — is incorporate as much local recreation aspossible into the normal work week. Then I must be in another city at least once a month. Ideally, I should also go to  my true home (in the West) and to the field, as the anthropologists put it, at least once a year (each). That, I notice, is in fact what the people who claim to love living in Maringouin actually do.

I am of course not sure I can always afford this, but I insist that it is a priority. It is a necessity, not a wild luxury, and I am not an immature person demanding extravagant things. These voyages would not be necessary if I lived at home, or if I lived in the field (as is the case for some of my colleagues: they’re in their home culture and their research is about Louisiana, so their lives fit together very well). But I live neither at home or in the field, and having contact with both is necessary.

Some people envy me traveling and believe I am living in luxury. They read the travel pages of the newspapers. They do not realize that my traveling is not recreational. They do not understand that I live very simply — often too simply, in fact, because extreme simplicity actually over complicates one’s life. This last issue is what I would like to remedy.

What I have learned in my recent experiments is, you cannot stay with people — at least not if you want to exert any kind of control over your life. Two or three times I have been invited to stay by an old friend, now in possession of a large house with a spare room, and taken them up on it only to find that there was some serious problem among the household members, one that disturbed the peace enough so that I was not comfortable staying.

I also notice that as we get older, my friends’ tastes in neighborhoods diverge more and more from mine. My friends here in Brazil would never live where I am. I do not find it ideal, either, but I would choose it again over where they live, any day. The only way to stay with people is at a large manor house with many guests, a place where you can take a back seat role and melt into the crowd.

Here in Brazil, I made a step in the right direction this time: I rented a little house. The house and neighborhood have their vicissitudes, but being on my own has had advantages. What I am wondering right now, though, is this: do I want a house at all? Honestly, I think that what I would really like is a large study and bedroom, with breakfast served, kitchen privileges for tea, and a cleaning and laundry service.

I say these things because shopping, cleaning, laundry and cooking are much more complicated to do in the sorts of European and Latin American houses and apartments I can get, which are primitive. Also, when you rent a furnished place as I have now, you have to deal with the unimaginable standards of the owner. Here, for instance, you flush the toilets with buckets in the afternoon and evening. This is because the flushing mechanisms are weak, and do not work at those hours. It is acceptable to the owner and apparently, to his other clients. It surprises me; I do not find it exotic or picturesque; I am not paying rent so I can learn that not everyone has perfect plumbing; I am already well aware of this.

Now, I also do not like hotels. They are out of budget for me as well, but the reason I do not like them is the comings and goings of tourists. The traffic jangles my nerves and the people are going in directions I am not. But some sort of residencia, a room with a view, ideally near a zone with bookstores and cafés, would be a good option.

Axé.