Right, in a broader sense the revolution I’m in was lost 50 years ago and I know it. But my not wanting to be defeated is this: I don’t feel like quitting the university without another university job, it’s just that in my particular department religious adoration of the suffering Cajuns is required at all times, and one is expected to do this while they torture the rest of us and steal our stuff, so to speak. I usually keep my complaints to trusted circles, because saying them out loud can be dangerous or not useful, but they were in me yesterday and there were people at the house I shouldn’t have said them in front of, and I wasn’t able to contain it. Which made me realize how bad the pain is. I’m angry at all kinds of levels and it’s not all the fault of the Cajun victim narrative that is deployed, some of it has other roots, but working here has been kind of like being the little mermaid, walking on knives. But I still feel that now is the time to take over and bring reason, not walk away. If I could have gotten away 25 years ago I would have but now, despite everything, I feel as though we might be able to conquer something and I don’t want to drop that (even though the common wisdom is to say not to throw good money after bad, I say that for every proverb there is also a proverb that says the opposite, and I think it is better to follow intuition than formulae).
Axé.
coldhearted scientist وداد 