I am leaving in the morning, as the bluesmen say. I am going to try to climb this mountain. Even if I do not make it to the summit, I will still get close. If I do not post, it will be because I am drinking Andean wine at some base camp, or sifting through archives and used book stores in town. I will see you in the new year, si no antes.
I will return inspired. I can already see the beginning of inspiration. One flash came from a friend who is not a professor, but who sometimes teaches, and reads research and scholarship in order to prepare classes. He said, “My God! These so-called researchers are sniping at each other, like stereotypical sorority girls when not also like Mafia thugs! I am not from a genteel family, but my mother taught me to be more polite than that, and more secure than that!” I thought: Thank you, Jesus. At last someone has validated my extreme allergy to academic goons.
Another friend is reconsidering the ways she chooses Rrrelationships. She said that as with other major decisions she has made, she will now choose relationships which are in accordance with her deepest wishes for her own life. I realized in a flash that where I have rarely made decisions in that way is at work.
I decided to climb the Aconcagua in that way, however. Now I may not make it to the top, because I was going to acquire the right shoes, and everything, three months ago, and train, and I did not. But I will get close enough for now, and I will be satisfied. I will add the relevant cueca lyrics here, as soon as I find them.
Notice and disclaimer: I have e-mail here which assumes, like some earlier commentators I did not publish, that I write here so as to harangue you. That is not a skilled reading, I must say. As a comment, it is presumptuous and rude.
I very much appreciate comments, and I do put this up to be read. However, I do that primarily because it helps me to formulate my thoughts and push them forward. But I am not writing for approval here, and I wrote every day for months before I ever got regular comments, so there. HAH!
I find it slightly amazing that anyone would read this site and not realize that it is where I examine my inner life. A basic theme of the certain unpublished comments from the past, and of this e-mail, is that the site is cooler than I am in reality.
But I do not write the site in order to seem cool. And if you actually read it, you will see that it specifically announces that I am not perfect. What is it – are you just jealous that I have this space at all, or have anything to say at all? Then get your own space. HAH!
It occurs to me that those who so worry that I may be projecting a false identity are as concerned about this false problem as they are because they themselves are actually faking identities, in actually malicious ways. I am being genuine here. HAH!
The comments to which I refer are primarily from white men and Christian fundamentalists. Their rhetoric suggests that at bottom, what they do not like is to see a woman speaking. In particular, they do not like my term Da Whiteman. They do not like to see criticism of whitemen, and they do not like to see positive comments. HAH!
These whitemen always make the same complaint. Each one truly appears to believe he is original – or that his interlocutors will think he is. The most recent one, I called on his comment, and he said he had not meant to offend, and I could ‘go in peace’. I only vaguely remember meeting this person, and he thinks he is my priest? HAH!
This is not a lecture, or a confessional, or an interrogation room, or the Jerry Springer show. It is the semi-formal, ludic space where I paint pictures and say things.
If my remarks on Da Whiteman, or on whitemen, are so upsetting to you that you have to write in and complain, perhaps you might ask yourself what it is that you have done which so resembles whiteman activities, that you are unable to simply say you do not like or agree with this weblog, and move on?