Monthly Archives: September 2007

Deliberate Gentle Love Master (DGLM)

My question is this: if I test so well, why is it that I am not on a beach somewhere right now?

Appreciated for your kindness and envied for all your experience, you are The Maid of Honor. Charismatic, affectionate, and terrific in relationships, you are what many guys would call a “perfect catch”–and you probably have many admirers, each wishing to capture your long-term love. You’re careful, extra careful, because the last thing you want is to hurt anyone. Especially some poor boy whose only crime was liking you.

We’ve deduced you’re fully capable of a dirty fling, but you do feel that post-coital attachment after hooking up. So, conscientious person that you are, you do your best to reserve physical affection for those you respect…so you can respect yourself.

Your biggest negative is the byproduct of your careful nature: indecision. You’re just as slow rejecting someone as you are accepting them.

Your exact female opposite: Half-Cocked Random Brutal Sex Dreamer.

ALWAYS AVOID: The False Messiah (DBLM), The 5-Night Stand (DBSM), The Vapor Trail (RBLM), The Bachelor (DGSM).

CONSIDER: The Gentleman (DGLM), someone just like you.

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test.

Axé.

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Cecilia Bartoli

It is the weekend, and we must sing! As you may know, I am a Voi che sapete aggregator. Cecilia Bartoli’s version is one of the best. She is also very good looking, with excellent earrings.

Axé.

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On “Feeling Unsafe”

I

Does the average person go around looking over their shoulder, feeling “unsafe?” When I left Reeducation, the only explanation it would accept was that I “did not feel safe” in it. I played this card in desperation, for Reeducation was saying but, but, but, how did I expect to live without it, and so on. It refused to have an adult conversation, or allow me to beat a civilized retreat. But I had learned that the phrase “I do not feel safe” was one Reeducation could hear.

I had picked up the phrase from Reeducation itself, which considered “not feeling safe” to be the normal, or at least the expected condition of persons. One of the things Reeducation found suspicious about me was that I did not seem to to feel unsafe unless there was something dangerous actually happening. That meant there was something wrong with me. It meant I was so damaged that I did not have the irrational fears which signal normalcy.

I knew, of course, that I was not safe emotionally with my family. That was, after all, why I was in Reeducation. I wanted to understand and handle the situation better, so as not to feel so unsafe with that group of people. I had no reason in the rest of my life to feel unsafe. What was unsafe, of course, was the set of ideas Reeducation taught. When I remember how vibrant I was before Reeducation, I am in awe.

So I am curious: does the average person, in the absence of clear and present danger, really go around looking over their shoulder, feeling “unsafe?” Reeducation presented this feeling as healthful and self-protective, but it never seemed so to me.

II

Both my Reeducator and the abusive man I got involved with years later told me that I was unreasonably placid about the things that can go wrong in a day, unreasonably confident that things could be improved with some effort, and unreasonably calm and accepting in the face of bad news. They used to tell me it would be more appropriate for me to be more agitated, sadder, angrier.

Willing to consider their point of view, I would try to feel as they wished me to. If I succeeded, they would then ask why I could not take the calmer or more stoic attitude they had criticized before.

I eventually saw that this tactic on the part of my abusive man was a mere technique of emotional manipulation, undertaken for recreational purposes. That is one of the main ways I came to see that my Reeducator, and the discourse of Reeducation itself had been similarly abusive.

III

Today a friend and I went looking for houses in and around smaller towns. If we sold our houses and bought out in the country, we could afford to travel more. In each town we were soon told which areas were “unsafe” and we went straight for them.

Axé.

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For Whites. Not Whites Only

Now the Barefoot Cajun explains the Jena 6 case, for those who still don’t get it. She offers a very clear and concise run-down of this entire situation.

Vous voyez, vous-autres les blancs, il est bien possible de comprendre ça-là.

WoC PhD, meanwhile, offers very useful updates and links to some key posts.

Axé.

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M/F Test!

I took the Bem Sex Role Inventory Test, by Weird Science, and my score was “Androgynous.” I have 90% of all possible masculine characteristics and 70% of all possible feminine ones. “You scored high on both masculinity and femininity. You have a strong personality exhibiting characteristics of both traditional sex roles,” said the test.

As I answered the questions, I realized in yet another way: a major goal of Reeducation was to get people, men and women, to become more traditionally “feminine.” I believe it was designed to rescue men from the ravages of hypermasculinity, and/but also to keep women in our places.

Axé.

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On Honor Among Men

Whiteman: If X [a full professor] applies for Y [administrative job] and is not the chosen candidate, it will destroy his career.

Z: Why? He is an Endowed Professor, Chair, and Director. He will not be run out of these positions. If he applies for Y and is not the chosen candidate, can he not carry on where he is?

Whiteman: Technically, yes, but practically no. It would be too embarrassing to stay on as a Rejected Candidate for Y, and to work under the Chosen Candidate.

Z: Oh.

Axé.

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Pinch and Reversal

I have said several times in these pages that I do not find change difficult. I did, however, find the change asked of me in Reeducation difficult. This task involved changing my focus in life from joy and pleasure to suffering and pain. I did not want to take this plunge and it was very difficult to do. It was also very difficult to find my way back, even though when I finally did, it was almost instantaneous – as though I had clicked my heels together like Dorothy, and been transported home.

Without the burden of Reeducation the days are so easy, it is hard to believe. I almost want to pinch myself, to make sure it is not a dream. There is an empty space where pain used to live. It used to be filled with work and pleasure but I have not yet filled it, as this seems downright decadent. I stand and look at it. I am amazed at its size and also its emptiness, its way of not dragging on me. I had become so used to limitations that I have not yet expanded again to fill that space.

In Reeducation, “acceptance” was a major value. We were to accept that reality was a dark and dreary place. We were to accept that we were more guilty than we could know, more flawed than we could see. We were to accept a very small future. We were to accept everything except ourselves. This was one of the logical contradictions, the fatal flaws in the entire enterprise. Now, just being able to breathe without attending yoga classes to do it, and not to carry being oneself as a burden, makes the world very much lighter than it recently was.

Reeducation thought I should not be an intellectual. It became very difficult to be one for a long time for that reason. Creativity was interdicted. Nothing but drudgery was left. And now I fly through that. I seem to do things with one hand, as if from an Olympian height. There is so much that is so easy.

***

This was written on an excellent day in summer. Today as we approach the Equinox life does not seem so easy but what it says is still essentially true. And my most common spam comments still point out to me that since this is an intelligent weblog and I am not a famous professor, the quality of my writing here misrepresents me. But I challenge anyone to reveal as much of themselves as I have in these pages, or to say so much that is true.

Axé.

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