One of my great problems is that I was always told it was important, for survival, not to be teaching oriented, and then only ever got jobs where teaching was the most important thing. I am intellectually challenging generally, so I am often considered a “bad” teacher. It has been made more than clear to … More Des étudiants
When I was a new assistant professor, starting the first day and lasting until Reeducation, I had an amount and kind of teaching and service that professors at R1 institutions do not dream of and especially, do not dream of not having the option of saying no to. I, as a student from such an … More How to get a lot written at a teaching and service oriented institution
…asked Hattie. I am actually working on a list, but it does not include some things I was told and that are interesting, including: * People get up in the morning and ask themselves, what can I do for ME today? And then they do that thing first. Apparently I really mistreat myself and do … More What would help?
I will not reiterate but we have to consider my professional self destruction as some misguided attempt at positive rebellion, find out what I was trying to do that was positive, hold on to that. I am so tired. I wish I could understand the past and I wish most of my past had not … More More positive
“You should not be doing research.” “Your research identity is proof of your failure as a person.” I should have just laughed but I was terrified and wanted to disappear. It is a not good idea to look into this abyss but I carry so much pain in me all the time. (I have also … More Was it the kernel…?
You just have to start and keep going, since it gets better, as I have been saying since the sixth grade. Part of the reason I stopped writing at a certain point was that it was the only thing I knew for sure I knew how to do. “Just write” means do not delay starting, … More How to write
I can list them now. 1. Self respect.2. Sense of reality.3. Ability to trust anyone. At the time, I said the problem was that I had contracted self-hatred. That is true, too, but this list is more useful. I know what one can say: if I lost them that easily, I did not have them … More Things I lost in psychotherapy
I had an interesting post drafted yesterday, that would have been useful to me, but I lost it and cannot remember it. Today I say I wish I felt free, worthy, strong the way I imagine J to do, for instance. I have sometimes felt this way, but rarely — I have always known I … More Clearing my head for this morning
Like the people who have to want to stop drinking and must make the decision themselves, or the people I know now who are going to have to decide, themselves, to learn to use certain software (or not), I feel I must decide to want to improve my experience at and of work. I always … More You have to want…
This article; the syllabi; the LASA2015 abstract; the grading; the parking permit. In the fall: the other article. It is strange no longer to collude in my own oppression but I appear to be achieving this. I will become stronger still. The very worst aspect of working at our place is the way we are … More To do
coldhearted scientist وداد 