It is Columbus Day. Mamita Mala has written a poem about it. Her site has been brought to my attention by Kactus. Kara has an excellent post on the recent counterinsurgency legislation, in which she reminds us that Halliburton subsidiary KBR has been awarded a large, no-bid contract for the construction of detention camps within the United States. Meanwhile, hah!’s post on abuse reads in part,
Emotional abusers rely on their trade. They take their trade and find anything and everything to deflect, divert, and digress from the original revelation of their abuse. . . . Abusers will deflect, divert, digress, whatever it takes to avoid taking responsibility for their abuse. . . . [Their] . . . favorite tactic . . . is encapsulating the position of the victim. All of sudden the abuser, the very one who persecutes, cries that he or she is being tyrannized, silenced, abused. It is so hegemonic, so colonizing, that it is not even funny.
These are important points. I would add that abusers rely upon the compassion of others to facilitate their activities. One would like to give people the benefit of the doubt, and and it is difficult not to feel sympathy for people who show signs of distress. But a standard line of abusers is, “I love you, and I only behave this way because I am ill/weak/otherwise impaired,” or alternatively, “I am only acting out because I miss you so.”
These strategies also work at the level of national discourse. Wilhelm Reich’s classic The Mass Psychology of Fascism addresses some aspects of this matter.
Axé.
coldhearted scientist وداد 
But a standard line of abusers is, “I love you, and I only behave this way because I am ill,” or alternatively, “I am only acting out because I miss you so.” At the national level of course, abuse and manipulation is undertaken to keep us safe.
What complete bullshit. If a person loved someone, they would not hurt them. Period. And if they were ill they would get help and not try to make the supposed object of their love ill as well.
My first husband threatened suicide, which kept me with him longer than I should have been. His family also tried to emotionally blackmail me by trying to pressure me into staying with him after he was offered a very good job. Saying if he failed it would be my fault. He also told me that he would take the job if I would move back with him. Unreal, I was like, you need to take the job for yourself. Who wants the burden of knowing that a person can only hold on if you hold them. Good God why should we go through every minute of life like it is a crisis. I hold on to you and you hold on to me when a storm hits, not when we are trying to peacefully live day by day.
What mature adult would act out because they miss someone? Sounds like a temper tantrum to me, “Give it to me mommy,—- now!” In addition, the excuses illustrate only how the one’s feelings and desires are being considered, not the other. It is probably this type of one sided attitude that caused the conflict to begin with.
Moksha – I’m speaking in general terms in this post, not about just one individual.
But I know you’ve had some harrassment to your weblog lately, and I have had some off and on too.
If any people who read this, believe they are being abused, take my advice: 1. go to see a professional or paraprofessional specialized in this, and 2. avoid the abuser: don’t contact them!
Yes I thought it was general. Perhaps when I started thinking about my first husband I narrowed down my language without thought. Your examples do fit a very general archetype.