On Being A Professor

Posted on by Iansã

Introducing Dr. Curmudgeon. I wish I had had his confidence when I was his age.

Here’s the story. I’m 35 years old. I’m going into my fourth year of teaching at a small university somewhere in America. I get to discuss big ideas and controversial notions on an almost daily basis. I get to ask questions, and watch people go past that crossroads, stop, look around, check the map, change directions and change themselves on a regular if not daily basis. There are worse lives to lead.

But I’m 35 years old. I’m looking for a roommate because I can’t afford my bills let alone the loans it took to get the education to get the job that allows me to do these things. The job pays, as many university teaching jobs do, just a little more than I might make as a middle manager at a call center or a small bank. Each Christmas as my students depart, I spend my first day of vacation balancing my checkbook to decide whether I can spare the few hundred dollars it would cost me to go see my own family. I’ve spent the last two holidays in my ramshackle bachelor apartment with my dog, re-reading old favorites and assuring my aging parents that I’ll be home next year, I promise. Sometimes we open presents over the phone. Sometimes there aren’t any because it doesn’t seem right if I can’t get them much that they should get me something.

Now Dr. Curmudgeon is on the market, and he is revealing statistical information on the effort (and money) it takes.

Total # of academic jobs applied for/# of jobs identified: 12/20
Total # of non-academic jobs applied for/# of jobs identified 0/0
COST OF THE SEARCH
Total spent in U.S. dollars on applications: $86.42
Average cost in U.S. dollars per applications: $7.20
Total spent in U.S. dollars on travel, etc: $0
Total amount in U.S. dollars reimbursed: $0
WHERE THE CALL CAME FROM:
The Chronicle of Higher Ed: 3
HigherEdJobs.com: 0
Other online service (listserv, etc): 14
Friend/Colleague: 2
Personal Research: 1
THE JOB IS IN THE DETAILS
Total number of paper submissions: 11
Total number of e-submissions: 1
Total weight in pounds of application packets: 11.24
Total number of recommendation letters requested: 18
Total number of requests for references: 5
Total number of “proof of teaching excellence” packs : 7
Total number of requests for Teaching Philosophy :6
Total number of research packs: 7
Total number of transcripts requested: 2
WHAT THE CRITICS ARE SAYING
Total number of acknowledgments of receipt: 9
Total number of confirmed reference contacts: 0
Total number of phone interviews: 0
Total number of conference interviews: 0
Total number of on-campus interviews: 0
Total number of offers: 0
Total number of rejection letters: 0

All of Dr. Curmudgeon’s information and reasoning is very important.

Axé.

One thought on “On Being A Professor”

  1. NOTE: I should post this as a post, but I do not have time and anyway I am posting too much. Still:

    I was warned not to be a professor because it would involve publishing, which would be pressure, and living somewhere like Ann Arbor or Madison, which would be snowy. Also, there was no job security until tenure. I ignored these warnings because I was and am sure, and have since proven, that I can handle publishing and snow, and most non academic jobs do not offer tenure, anyway.

    I would much rather have been warned that I would be trapped teaching lower division courses forever, to students not really prepared for these, in a university without symposia or serious library holdings in my field, without enough money to leave my little country town on weekends. THEN I would have understood.

    I would much rather have been warned about how exhausting it is to constantly have to push back against to the pressure to go pink collar and to be treated in that way.

    Reply

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