coldhearted scientist وداد

I

This is a fresh post. I am re-starting this blog after two months (it has been primarily canned all this time). I wanted to direct all writing effort elsewhere but without the active blog I get blown off course too often. I do not promise to write a new post daily, but I am back.

II

Today in yoga we were reminded that emotions and feelings are two things. Feelings are true and deep and emotions are just passing reactions.

Reeducation thought I was not histrionic enough. It wanted me to give passing emotions the weight of the “true self” and disregard as “mere thought” what I, at the time, called deeper knowledge.

The yogis were right and I knew it all along. Now I see why I had to basically annihilate spirit in order to put passing emotions in charge of things. It is very interesting and I am glad I went to the yoga center this morning to hear this.

III

I have often had presented to me the following model about how to be a professor.

1. To survive, publish only what you do not believe.
2. Teach in a mechanical, disinterested way, taking as many shortcuts as possible so you can get back to publishing things you do not believe.
3. Evade service, so you can get back to publishing what you do not believe.

In other words:

If you are interested enough in what you are doing to be successful at it or to be a fulfilled person, you will be discontinued.

Yet it is also believed that:

If you are not so passionate about what you are doing that you are willing to give your right arm to be allowed to do it, anyhow, any way, than you should not be doing it.

All of these sentences, I find, cause difficulties with concentration and focus. You are exhorted not to be present, and yet to be so dedicated you would never consider absence. I have always found it simpler, more practical, and more fun to actually take an interest in something, as opposed to holding tight to it while turning your head away.

That is to say, I have always found it easier, even essential to engage things with interest. This, too, is a yogic principle.

IV

These are issues that Boice book, which I have now read more seriously, does not address. But Boice does not, in fact, reduce everything to “perfectionism” or discipline, either. He also addresses the importance of “self-talk” and although that sounds self-help-y, I think it is important.

Reeducation taught me a great deal of negative “self-talk,” more than I am even aware of. A great deal of it was very anti-intellectual. So that is one element. I also think one of the most common instances of negative “self-talk” among academics has to do with talking oneself into conforming – not to high standards but to low ones, for your life if not for your work.

I understand compromise. But to compromise you have to have a position in the first place. If you insist upon staying off course, you can never move ahead.

V

There are more insights about abusive people. 1. They will tell you to give up things you are interested in – these things are either worthless somehow, or impossible, or inaccessible to you. 2. They will tell you to engage in battles your better judgment advises against fighting. Conclusion: if anyone exhibits both of these characteristics in an insistent way, be careful of them. Draw no conclusion only on this basis, but watch out.

Axé.