Writing is demanding and I cannot both mistreat myself and write, or both permit mistreatment and write. It has been difficult since learning that permitting mistreatment was what would earn my keep, and that mistreating myself was how I could prove my worth. Writing, despite requiring effort, is a true pleasure and I have always … More On Writing
Flowering skulls, jal k’ex, Jaloj-K’exoj, read all about them. I would change my name in this direction if the language were not so foreign. But Jaloj-K’exoj is my mode. * I am fascinated with this blog because it seems like a foreign land in its own way, for reasons I will think about and perhaps … More Flowering Mountain Earth
To A Spectre: 1. I am dismayed at the amount of destruction I have allowed to be wreaked upon me and that I have participated in wreaking. 2. I am clearing out files and finding old identity cards. I see the bright face of the person I helped to destroy, in the era in which … More X
1. This weblog was started to reimagine and reconstruct me, from the ground up, as a professor. But the issue is not really academia, or Bayou Maringouin where I live and, regrettably, feel incarcerated. The issue is guilt about existing, about being who I am, and about having failed to turn into someone else. Someone … More Revised Mission Statement
I do not want yet more discipline, I want to fall apart and sleep for a long time. Then, I want to work on my new life, not grind away at the old one on the theory that if I just motivate myself in the right way everything will be all right. Unfortunately I really … More On Advice
In class we saw Antonioni’s Blow-Up in connection with the Devil’s spit (ask if you must, and I’ll link when I can). It was quite exotic as all the students were born after this film was made. I was a child. The true class to give would be on sugar as a social actor. Sweetness … More Pouring Sugar
The reason I am so depressed is that I am seeing so clearly how I have allowed as much of my life to be stolen as I have done. I usually shield myself from seeing this so clearly because the pain of it is as sharp as it is, but the panorama is in view … More Asynchronous
This post is a pause and reset for Good Friday and the beginning of the new advertising year. Shop with my blog supporters, y’all, and consider becoming one toi-même. The author of this text was Mayan; he is a skull on a stela of Uaxaclajuun Ub’aah K’awiil. I who narrate am only a performer of … More 18 Rabbit
We have been discussing my identity on this blog. Let there be no doubt: I am Mexican. I was invited to be Mexican long ago, and after some deliberation I accepted. Mexican though I may be, Mexican that I am, I cannot go home because I have expenses, which I am negotiating in the oral … More “Debajo de un rebozo, tapar las penas”
Axé.
coldhearted scientist وداد 