On Writing

Writing is demanding and I cannot both mistreat myself and write, or both permit mistreatment and write. It has been difficult since learning that permitting mistreatment was what would earn my keep, and that mistreating myself was how I could prove my worth. Writing, despite requiring effort, is a true pleasure and I have always … More On Writing


To A Spectre: 1. I am dismayed at the amount of destruction I have allowed to be wreaked upon me and that I have participated in wreaking. 2. I am clearing out files and finding old identity cards. I see the bright face of the person I helped to destroy, in the era in which … More X

On Advice

I do not want yet more discipline, I want to fall apart and sleep for a long time. Then, I want to work on my new life, not grind away at the old one on the theory that if I just motivate myself in the right way everything will be all right. Unfortunately I really … More On Advice

Pouring Sugar

In class we saw Antonioni’s Blow-Up in connection with the Devil’s spit (ask if you must, and I’ll link when I can). It was quite exotic as all the students were born after this film was made. I was a child. The true class to give would be on sugar as a social actor. Sweetness … More Pouring Sugar


The reason I am so depressed is that I am seeing so clearly how I have allowed as much of my life to be stolen as I have done. I usually shield myself from seeing this so clearly because the pain of it is as sharp as it is, but the panorama is in view … More Asynchronous

18 Rabbit

This post is a pause and reset for Good Friday and the beginning of the new advertising year. Shop with my blog supporters, y’all, and consider becoming one toi-même. The author of this text was Mayan; he is a skull on a stela of Uaxaclajuun Ub’aah K’awiil. I who narrate am only a performer of … More 18 Rabbit