Student: It is very conniving of your department to have had sold, as a part of this textbook package, a book which would be not used until we reached the present level. You must have known we would lose the book, and have to buy another. All of this is a plan to make additional money for the textbook company.
Professor Zero: Well, you were not required to buy the textbook package. You can always buy each part of it as a separate item.
Student: That is even more expensive. Anyway, I bought the book and lost it. Now you want us to use it, so I must buy it again. It is not fair.
Professor Zero: I am getting ready to vote Republican if you do not take some personal responsibility right here!
I did not plan to say that; it is just what I said.
Axé.
coldhearted scientist وداد 
This is absolutely hilarious. 🙂 🙂
But please don’t vote Republican. 🙂
My worst unplanned manifesto was pronounced during the Bush II presidency.
Student: Why did I get a C? [etc. etc.]
…
Professor Zero: Look. I know that George W. Bush graduated from Yale with his level of knowledge. But you, here, with me, will not graduate without actually knowing something!
OMG, what an awesome response. Love it.
This is hilarious! I am cracking up imagining the look on the student’s face.
Haha!