The other thing we were saying at that conference I went to a few weeks ago was that we had met some really mean and also supercilious people in academia and that that was why we had tried to get away from it.
Colleague: Where do you expect to publish this book?
Professor Zero: Routledge.
Colleague: That is quite ambitious. Arrogant, even.
Professor Zero wanted to say: Well, you asked, and I am serious about this project, and I am merely naming a press that has related titles currently. Melt back into your office.
On the question of promise and living up to it, here is what I think: I always had potential and promise but was taught to believe my work was below average — passing, but below average, and that I would never actually survive. So I always thought I had some kind of honorary, post-apocalyptic hall pass. I worked hard like Cinderella to make up for not deserving it, but never realized, except in momentary flashes, that I should aspire to much more.
*
I wanted a certain kind of job because I wanted it to be considered normal send things to places like Routledge. Raised to think poorly of myself, my work, and myself as worker I needed really supportive environments. And for me a really supportive environment is mathematical and serious and well set up. It is not sweet or cliquish or cozy, and it does not serve tea.
The ideas that I had not really been qualified to do graduate work, or to finish, or to have academic jobs are the actually unrealistic ones. But it is not what abusive people do to you that counts, it is what they get you to do to yourself that is; and those who survive emotionally are those who do not internalize what others did.
Axé.
coldhearted scientist وداد 
That colleague does not sound very nice. Melt back into your office indeed! I remember when I went to a campus visit and during my interview they asked me about my publishing schedule. I mentioned some university presses that I was considering and one of the older faculty members told me that I should also consider some other presses of much less prestige. It was almost like he was saying, “don’t be too ambitous.” I absolutely hated that. You have the right attitude of not internalizing what other people say. Just keep on keeping on 🙂
Ah, I am just de-internalizing … internalized for far too long! 🙂
But you are right, don’t be too ambitious is what they say and it is all envy.