I have decided we are in April, 2004, before I got involved with that ex who showed me blogging software and thus, to his great ire, a way to escape from him. In any case I had just written a really interesting essay for this book I am still working on and I was very pleased with it.
I was not being careful and I got kidnapped, so to speak, by my ex, and the entire experience was truly devastating, but without it I would not have understood certain prior experiences, such as Reeducation.
That was when I lost my place in this project and I feel time has stood still since. I remember periods where I did not even remember I was working on this project since all the energy I had, had to go to tolerating the relationship.
I could not leave for the same reasons as I had so much difficulty turning down the honor society this week — I kept being told I was really needed and also that it was a true honor, and I was taught early on that if people love you, you must give them everything they want.
But I felt jubilant in April, 2004 before all these things happened and I think I may start counting time from then. I do not want to go back, though — if I went back in time, I would go further, but I do not want to return to that moment because I am, now, so different from the person who got kidnapped, then.