coldhearted scientist وداد

These shoes are the Merrell Evera Shift and they are heels for biking. I do not need them but I have decided I should indulge my shoe obsession at the planning level as much as possible. I am still learning what I can wear, so this is not a fetishism, it is research. One thing knowing what available will do as well is protect me from buying in desperation or without having all possible options in mind.

Meanwhile, there is this interesting post and thread. I learned to be depressed from psychotherapy, and caught anxiety because I knew that what psychotherapy was having me do, the ways it was asking me to think, were destructive. Everyone said: “Change is frightening, and of course you resist by saying it is destructive, but this is only denial; you should suspend what you think is your better judgment, ignore your own reactions and views, and follow instructions.”

Now, of course, I am as clever as clever and I realize how false all of this is. I think depression comes from having incredibly negative views of yourself — as I said to a friend during Reeducation, “I have been taught self-hatred, and now I cannot seem to shake it.” It is interesting to notice how negative so many people are  without being fully aware of it, and it is very interesting to be able to imagine being free.

This, I think, is another reason I am so opposed to advice — you have authorities recommending discipline, and assuming you do not know what you are doing, all the time; if you want to speak as something other than a subject of standard advice, you are not even on the map. I love to discuss strategies, but that is a different activity as it involves actual conversation, which much talking does not do.

In any case I am still learning to be as non-negative as I once was, and there is quite a trick to it although I am advancing.

Axé.