I’ve stopped categorizing posts or posting enough, and it has to do with a family crisis. I’ve considered announcing a hiatus or even declaring an end to the blog! But I haven’t decided yet. If you’ve followed my posts on Facebook you’ll know about the crisis, and about how it is forcing me to cure for once and for all some of the main reasons I started the blog–call it Roots of Reeducation. How to decide not to put oneself into pain, or accept it, is the question. Reeducation said you had to be in pain, which was a new idea to me; once I tried it, became that person, I did not know how to awaken from the bad dream. This blog is written as it were from prison, or from the Sleeping Beauty’s glass case.
I was thinking about how trauma or violence sends you to the survival level of life, or however you want to put it, and how of course you can’t think, then. I’ve got to go on some sort of hour-by-hour reassurement strategy, I think: since Reeducation I have had all anxiety all the time, anxiety I did not know how to name. Perhaps if I can recognize and name it better, I can manage or banish it somehow. I was thinking about how in academia you have to be such a highly developed person to deserve things like food and safety, be a bodhisattva to deserve basics and not to have to live amid constant threats.
There is this new book on Said which sounds dry, yet interesting.