I read about all these professors and how happy they are, how independent and financially secure and creative, and I think:
- I should be happy and productive, and it is only my lack of strength that prevents it
- They are happy in places even sadder than here; I should be too
- I am lazy and not working hard enough
- What is it in my history that caused me to remain so impaired?
- What would I like to do with my life?
- What would I have done with my life had I not been so beaten down from the beginning?
- How can I right this ship?
and so on, and feel practically too weak to get up. Then it occurred to me to say instead “We are working a demanding job in difficult circumstances. We got here through life’s vicissitudes, and we have certain pleasures and certain power,” and I felt much better.
Before Reeducation I did not scrutinize my life for imperfection and I lived a much more perfect life therefore.