Je te vois

On the concept of “feeling heard,” that I always mock. I do not ask of entities like the university that they merely hear me, I want them to actually do things (like hire on the tenure track). Being heard is nothing, I always say I want action.HOWEVER. What I always did want was to be heard in the family. Not for them to agree, or act, or anything, just for them to recognize that what I saw was real.

THEY WILL STILL NOT. I really, really, should stop hoping. I, to them, am not a person and I will not attain personhood with them. If such recognition is what I want, I should look elsewhere, truly. Or not look. I loved them, and thought they were people, but they did not love me, or did not think I was a person, and that was that, and I should just recognize it. And you never do know.

The students discovered these things earlier than I did, and they straightened themselves. I saw them do it, sitting in my office and thought: I hope to be able to do that myself one day. I am doing it now.


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