14 August. Got hold of Ruffinelli book.
15 August. Got some study abroad things done.
16 August. More study abroad. And some bureaucratic progress. I am behind but the main thing is, I am feeling all right. I have to keep feeling all right and not do anything self-destructive.
17-21 August. From the list below, what is utterly finished is the reimbursement so I am erasing it. Lots of things came up and got done. Self-destructive yelling at self is what has to be combatted, which is difficult since I do it without even realizing it.
22-23 August. I’ve kept going but it has been classes and that revision request. Method: don’t rush yourself, do what you want, trust your own judgment, don’t do self-destructive things. All of this used to be a lot more obvious, before psychotherapy which taught self-destruction. But, don’t do self-destructive things. Also–what I transfer onto work is what makes it hard. (I transfer self-destruction onto it when it’s precisely a place not to be doing that. But then transferring self-destruction–and obedience to entities other than self–is what I do. (And yes, I remember: losing self-respect and self-care was one of the things that happened in therapy. I remember losing voice and the power to self-direct and in these ways I was in much worse shape than I looked, or than people wanted to believe.
24-28 August. I’ve kept going.
Projection: ILL Cannibal Translation, Moraña, Castro-Klarén. Email Prieto and Paula, Emily and Nathaniel. Brent, Dorota, and keep on going. Sigma Delta Pi report. SYLLABI of course.
Axé.
coldhearted scientist وداد 