The lady at the shoe repair says we should take Vitamin E and use No. 7, and I believe her, it’s worth trying. I need a good but inexpensive product so I can use lots of it. But which one? Must I get the whole package? Probably–I don’t have to use all of the pieces every day.
Meanwhile, I had realizations and thought initially that rather than shy away with them, I must work on them. Yet it seemed depressing to concentrate so much on sad things. I remember when Reeducation recommended that and I, still lucid, did not think it sounded like a good idea.
Then I remembered that the idea is not to think, analyze, process, resolve … stew, but just to remain aware. That dream: “Your best is inadequate and what is so concerning about it is that you don’t see it. You are disabled. You must remain dependent upon us, or you’ll be in the street.”
Lacking all confidence and belief in self because of that. Always feeling unsafe. Feeling a terrible sadness. Trying to circumvent it our outrun it, because to experience it fully might be lethal, I might not be able to get up again. I can know this and live with it, but I don’t have to cudgel myself with it.
Axé.
coldhearted scientist وداد 