This is actually quite good. I don’t feel the authority or focus to write, I want to to hide and heal, but what if I can meditate for some minutes and do that, and writing is a sanctuary that rebuilds the self?
My relationship with the world. I don’t really deserve to be recognized or spoken to but if I am a very good performer, following instructions exactly, I may get what I need to stay alive.
This can cause me to cater to people. Meet their every need and minimize mine. Ask for nothing but do my utmost, so that I can be in a location where leftovers are produced that I can have.
Are those abandonment and neglect issues? They’re also rejection issues. It all has to do with my upbringing and I should have probably gone to this therapist years ago.
(In any case that is why I like to be in a schoolroom in a beginning class, staying in a hostel. I want to be a kid, start over. And be unknown, not expected to be anyone in particular, be myself.)
Those are the things I still need to get over.
Axé.
coldhearted scientist وداد 