- Paul, Mary, Joshua, and the question of power
- David, vicissitudes of relationship to / identification with
- The extreme suppression of self that “analysis” required
- The way in which the dictum that one should “feel one’s feelings” became psychic and almost literal murder-suicide
- Note: if you are asked to re-experience the feeling of being in the custody of people who want to kill you, think about it, talk about it, it’s re-experiencing psychic death even if only in the form of remembering cries of “we never want to see you again.” It is why I almost literally became a ghost.
I was to re-experience the feeling that people want to get rid of you, force you onto the street. I had this feeling from early on and had finally shaken it before I went into Reeducation. Shockingly, Reeducation wanted me to take that burden up again, take it up doubly.
The basic message of analysis/Reeducation was: reject your own personal power and your intellect. You must not think or have power, you must feel and submit to authority. In addition, you must re-experience the feelings you had when you were actually in such a situation and had no power to alter it
Further: while in that abject state, re-create a new subjectivity for yourself that reacts to emotions (not even deeper feelings, but passing emotions), does not apply logic or thought, and continues to accept authority / relinquish power.
Axé.
coldhearted scientist وداد 