Coda on my Dec. 21 meltdown: the town is icky, there are icky people in it, one of their spawn (parents are in 70s, so kid is 40s now) is brought to my house and acts icky, I lose it at him, and then I feel I misbehaved? I feel I have made a major error, speaking freely in my own house? Afterwards, I was having this meltdown largely in fear of what could be repeated elsewhere, and how. One has no privacy in this town, I mean, R. did say can I bring a friend but then that friend is this person, the town is too small, I should have realized it could be a problem person. He and his friend both think that because they are musicians they can just take over, go through the CDs, put on whatever they want, pick up the guitar, and only talk to each other, as though this were some kind of pub. It’s kind of a classic violation, and it’s what keeps happening here, I keep having versions of the same experience and the same reaction, they think other people are their rugs to walk on. I don’t react well: it’s hard to teach these people to keep normal boundaries so I keep either getting walked on or getting mad, or both, and it is neither good nor normal.
And it’s not just my experience, other Cajuns complain about it. J. is going to hide his new address from his family, so they cannot invade. D. next door wants to move away so he doesn’t feel constantly spied upon, gossiped about, and judged; in Cajun music, as at the Cajun university, you have to be in an in-group in order to do well, but being in that in-group has major costs (as in, it costs you your ethics).
So my line of thought is, try to recover some strength and look at moving. This has always been a bad marriage, so to speak, and I’m failing to make it better; my intention for the more immediate term is never to spend a long vacation period in this town again. Error 2022: Brazil situation was not good. Error 2023: CDMX situation was not good. BOTH of these were due to having to deal with old friends with sad and/or uncomfortable situations. Result of crisis staying home 2024: quit AAUP. Result of crisis staying home 2025: plan to quit Lafayette.
I’m not saying I’ll do it immediately, only that I’ll do it concretely. I can first pack up, clean up, rent the house with things in storage, then go rent somewhere furnished, like in Xalapa, or Lviv, or anywhere, and think.
Axé.
coldhearted scientist وداد 