I will not reiterate but we have to consider my professional self destruction as some misguided attempt at positive rebellion, find out what I was trying to do that was positive, hold on to that. I am so tired. I wish I could understand the past and I wish most of my past had not … More More positive

You just have to start and keep going, since it gets better, as I have been saying since the sixth grade. Part of the reason I stopped writing at a certain point was that it was the only thing I knew for sure I knew how to do. “Just write” means do not delay starting, … More How to write

I can list them now. 1. Self respect.2. Sense of reality.3. Ability to trust anyone. At the time, I said the problem was that I had contracted self-hatred. That is true, too, but this list is more useful. I know what one can say: if I lost them that easily, I did not have them … More Things I lost in psychotherapy

I had an interesting post drafted yesterday, that would have been useful to me, but I lost it and cannot remember it. Today I say I wish I felt free, worthy, strong the way I imagine J to do, for instance. I have sometimes felt this way, but rarely — I have always known I … More Clearing my head for this morning