Today a major oil slick from the Macondo Prospect will probably make landfall below New Orleans. You do not know it, but I am not really a professor — I am a landman from Pointe Coupée. I have worked in various branches of the oil and gas industry and my clients have included Halliburton, Enron, … More Vendredi Noir
The counselor told the student that he had made the choice to join the National Guard and now had to “take responsibility” for the loss of his leg. What do you want to bet that earlier on, a similarly trained counselor told the student it was his patriotic duty to join the National Guard so … More Dat Whiteman
In graduate school, we were once visited by a former co-T.A. who was now faculty elsewhere. She said, “Enjoy these days — they are the best of your lives!” I took this comment as the sort of formulaic thing Old Bambis have to say to Young Bambis, and left it at that. Many years later, … More An Academic Wednesday: Was Your Graduate Program Bad For Your Health?
How often do autodidacts appear as literary characters? How are they portrayed? Why do they fascinate? When are autodidacts liberated and liberating, and when are they impostors? How can you tell an impostor from a harbinger of new ideas? How do I, not an autodidact, explain to an autodidact who could be a harbinger of … More Academic Mondays: Des Autodidactes
“Take this hammer / carry it to the captain / tell him I’m a-gone. / If he ask you / was I runnin / tell him I’s a-flyin’. / I don’t want no / bread and ‘lasses / It hurts my pride. / If he ask you / was I laughin / tell him I’s … More Singing at Work Wednesday: Take This Hammer
…Eye, nose, and throat irritation; headaches, loss of coordination, nausea… I can do outdoor painting with no trouble, but the oily sealant I finally found to put on the porch caused an allergic reaction costing $111 and a few bad days, as we know. Then, in a moment of madness, I started painting the kitchen, … More Distress Alert
I am now asked not to try to change peoples’ ways of communicating and I wonder what this directive means or to what event it refers. Last year that Blackguard informed me that one of our colleagues was too old and ugly to be raped, but that I was not yet. I said, I beg … More Blackguard: “She Does What Her Cunt Hairs Dictate”
Blackguard (PhD 2008): You have been working here all these years and you are clearly incompetent, because there are flaws in this program. Professor Zero (mildly): Yes, there are flaws. There were once even more flaws. (Aside:) If you only knew how much competence was required to create the PhD level position that resulted in … More Long Suffering
Not being clean the place smelled ripe. The proprietors attempted to mask this by putting the air conditioning on cold and the fan on high. Those of us familiar with frozen lands already knew how a cold breeze draws attention to grime. Axé.
Student: I am interested in these graduate programs. Do you think I am aiming too high? Professor Zero: That is an excellent list for your interests. Those programs are competitive but you should be accepted to some. Apply and see where you get in. Write a good statement of purpose and be sure to get … More On Patronage and Paternalism (Return of the Whiteman)
coldhearted scientist وداد 