The child would have reacted like this or something similar if enormous anxiety hadn’t paralyzed her. These children feel physically and morally helpless. There isn’t sufficient consolidation of their personalities in order to be able to protest, even if only in thought. The overwhelming authority of the adult makes them dumb and can rob them … More On some origins of self-hatred
The way to write is to write 2.5 hours in the morning and do things that strengthen you the rest of the time. But those are just practicalities. At a deeper level, you have to fill the project with yourself, as Proust might have said, and pull it onto your ground. I find myself unable … More Comment écrire
It is like self-injury, or is self-injury. It has been happening since Reeducation said (or seemed to say, or communicated) I did not deserve to be enjoying life as I was, to be in as good health as I was or to have achieved the things I had. I should stop following any Reeducated recommendations. … More The mistreatment
I am going to change my life. A goal is not to fall into destructive patterns of thought as much, so I do not have to spend as much time arguing against them on this weblog. A thought on this: the problem with much US psychotherapy is that it makes certain erroneous assumptions, to wit: … More Terra estrangeira: a minha vida vai mudar
If I stop accusing myself of procrastination and avoidance and recognize that these things are not rooted laziness or adolescent-style “rebellion” but fear, and they are also misguided efforts at protection (against yet greater self-abuse, I might add), it might help. What can I do for me today? Be gentle. I am so violent with … More I also think this
This was what that psychotherapy got me in touch with and said was the real me, that I needed to come out of denial about being. It is true that as a small child I was very ashamed of being such a deficient and also inadvertently mean person. I was afraid of being thrown out … More That incredibly low self-esteem
The other thing the academic advisors do not understand is that quality of life does matter and should in fact come first. Any philosopher would tell you that. If there actually are people who only care about publishing certain books and teaching at the tertiary level and can do this well in any circumstances and … More And two or three post-points, or, “I just wanted to bask in your brilliant mind,” as my friend said
“Working here is like working in a coffin or a tomb,” said my colleague. So part of my issue is, wanting to be somewhere more lively. Wanting to do this work but needing to be somewhere more lively to do it. Is that a crime? (My colleagues making six figures are in lively places often, … More And simplifying
…as I was deciding to go on partial leave this semester. 1. The situation, and my health situation, is and has been really bad. I do not recognize this enough but the only explanation for all that keeps happening is that it is bad. Recognizing that is different from joining the culture of complaint, or … More These were the notes I had made
Discipline will not do anything useful with [the problem of self-sabotage and self-hatred]. Just the opposite – it will aggravate the issue. Discipline is a form of masochism, a symptom of self-hate, and you can’t eradicate self-hate with more of the same. And, I suppose, it is because of this that I have such an … More An important comment from Clarissa
coldhearted scientist وداد 