On Getting the Right Answer

When I was in Reeducation I made a new friend who could not understand why I was depressed. “Why?” he would ask. “You have a lovely job, a lovely house in a nice city, interesting activities, insight, and a positive attitude. Why are you depressed?” “Because I have self hatred,” I would answer.

That was the closest I could come to the truth at the time, but it was not the key to the matter. The key to the matter was that I was internalizing abuse. I am able to see this now that I am in jail, where I don’t doubt that the authorities are the enemy.


Note: This message from Professor Zero has been sent from the Castle. Her hearing continues today. She has testified that she is a white woman and insists she has never denied it. While Professor Zero has been classified IRL by more than one Louisianian as Creole, she still maintains she was raised as Anglo, looks white, and enjoys white privilege.

This blog has been classified by some as a “Latino blog” and by others as a “Black blog.” It has also been classified as an “academic blog,” although it was never intended as such, and one reader has accused it of being “fraudulently intelligent” (i.e., more intelligent than Professor Zero herself).

Professor Zero reiterates that while this blog may be seen as academic, Black, Latino, or intelligent, those are readers’ perceptions. The author’s intention is not to define the blog in any particular way, or to pose as anything but the sculpted skull she really is, but merely to sift through her thoughts.

Although she who writes this blog is originally from Greater Mexico, is an honorary Mexican, and has designated Mexico as her Favorite Country, Professor Zero’s true home is in the country of Honduras, where the most important cultures are Native American, Hispanic, and Black.


7 thoughts on “On Getting the Right Answer

  1. There was a small window of time in which I received white person privilege, but never very much.

    On the other hand, I have avoided some of the worst assaults on my integrity because I am not some other colour considered to be nefarious.

    But actually, what usually happens is people assume they know how I think and then find out that they do not, and then proceed to attack me for deceiving them. (As per aspects of your post above.)

  2. Attacks on integrity, got it.

    And yes – it is so funny when they think one has deceived them, when what has actually happened is that they projected into one!

  3. And yes – it is so funny when they think one has deceived them, when what has actually happened is that they projected into one!

    I think projections are one of the problem aspects of language. But as you say yourself in not so many words, there is language and then there is language. To what degree does speaking with concepts compel us to reify our perceptions to the point that we can no longer differentiate between a projection and a perception? To me, being self-reflexive doesn’t go even half way towards solving the problem (the best it can do is neuter the perceiver). If “woman” is the opposite to “man” then already we are all victims of projections. (Jung’s insight.)

    But I don’t think it helps me if Joe Bloe says, “Sorry, ma’am, but I think you may be the exact opposite of me, if I’m not projecting.”

    How would I even begin to talk to such a person, whether or not he was self-reflexively polite?

  4. Funny, I cannot separate this post from the previous one about collegiality: it seems to me they speak of one and the same thing. Probably because battling misplaced projections is the greatest challenge I face in my Department.

    To act out the projections made by others is to become a stereotype; but to refuse the projections altogether may lead to denial of some aspects of the self that are really important. Sometimes I feel that the only space — the only freedom — in between these two attitudes is that of play.

    Your blog is one great playing ground. I love it. 🙂

  5. I wonder how hard or perhaps easy it may be to be aware of more than one paradigm at once. “In this paradigm, X looks like X’, but in this other paradigm, X reveals itself to be A.”

  6. J – “said the illuminati” 😉 [grin]

    SW – your comment just showed up! Yes, these two posts are supposed to follow one upon the other! I suppose collegiality supposes one does look at one another as individuals and not as projections. I would have thought one would not have to articulate this, but one does! Space of play, O good, merci! 🙂

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