Should I add these paragraphs to any of my self-descriptions, or are they too frivolous?
“Professor Zero teaches at Vichy State University, an R-2 institution in Louisiana. Her departments and programs include, but are not limited to Spanish and Portuguese, Comparative Literature, and Latin American Studies. She has resigned her affiliation with Women’s Studies because that department is the whitest, and is comprised of what one student terms “Fireside Feminists.” Her Top Friends live in the department of Art, the Honors College, and the Division of Interdisciplinary and General Studies. Additional Friends reside in Anthropology and Geography. She once had Friends in History, but that department has been abolished.
“The state of Louisiana formerly had four university systems, each governed by its own set of Regents or Supervisors. After Hurricane Zoraida, Governor Bobby Jindal privatized the universities and sold them to France, which believes in centralization. The current consolidated system is governed by an entity known colloquially as the Superboard. The President of the Superboard is Philippe Pétain. He is embattled. He lives in a district of Baton Rouge known as Sigmaringen Lane. Most university faculty in Louisiana support for the presidency the insurgent Charles de Gaulle, but Professor Zero is concerned that de Gaulle might morph at any moment into Nicolas Sarkozy. She may vote for Daniel Cohn-Bendit despite his German citizenship. We really need Franklin Delano Roosevelt, but Bobby Jindal will not allow this. Georges Marchais is angry at Professor Zero and trolls this blog. We have banned him from commenting.
“The mascot of Vichy State University was originally a rooster named Mitch, and there was cockfighting during halftime at football games. When Mitch died after a particularly vicious fight, cockfighting was outlawed in Louisiana and Mitch was replaced with a Maine lobster. Although the Alumni Association would have preferred escargots or frog legs, the University really wanted a crawfish. It could have requested that the Art department create one, but it did not trust its faculty and students with this endeavor. The job was outsourced to a Los Angeles consulting firm, which delivered a Maine lobster costing $20,000.”