I
This, believe it or not, is the best and most accurate of all online psychological tests. And our featured post for today is Jeremiah Wright for President, by Heart.
Wright is in terrible trouble, as we know, because he is not in denial about what this country is doing. He has been asked to apologize for seeing reality clearly and naming it, for having empathy with those who suffer, and for calling upon people to take action.
These, as we know, are wicked statements. Wright must be silenced, it is said. His perceptions are delusional, it is said, and his recommendations are highly inappropriate.
II
On a related note, I wish to announce that I have decided most people are depressed. I am not, but most people are depressed.
I have developed this hypothesis because it is the only reasonable explanation I can find for the fact that I have always had so much trouble getting support for making changes in my life.
III
The typical conversation is:
Z: I do not like this town / university / department / job, I am considering moving.
Person: Oh, what a terrible thing depression is. I know, I suffer from it all the time.
Z: I would say that what I have is dissatisfaction. I do not like this, that, and the other thing here, and I like this, that, and the other thing there, so I am trying to figure out how to get from here to there.
Person: Do you not realize that one takes one’s problems with one?
Z: Yes, one takes one’s own problems, but one takes only those problems. That is my point.
Person: Do you not understand that it will never be better, anywhere? That life is just hard? That all one can do is have a drink in the evening, or get onto drugs?
Z: I do not dispute that life is or can be hard. I am, however, convinced that some problems are merely practical ones, with practical solutions. Resignation and mind-altering substances are not the only answers.
Person: Do you not understand that the world is fundamentally good? That if you are not content with how things are, the problem is you, and you must work on yourself? That dissatisfaction is only a chemical imbalance in the brain, which is the one thing you should work on changing?
Z: I believe the world is neutral and that there is much in it which is good, and much else which can be. I do realize that some problems are one’s own. I disagree, however, that all problems one may have are of one’s own making, and I disagree that all solutions are chemical.
Person: Well, maybe you just need to relax. Do you not understand that shopping is a nice way to take care of yourself? You deserve a new dress. Why not take a day off and shop without worrying about the bill? That will surely make you happy.
Z: That would not address the issue at all.
Person [triumphant]: You see? You do not want to get better after all! You do not want to take drugs or go shopping for luxuries with one of your credit cards. Clearly, you just want to continue to suffer!
IV
I declare that the depressed point of view is that of Person, not of Z.
Axé.
coldhearted scientist وداد 
Thes test is ok. It says I want to find peace and harmony through aesthetic collusion with others. The problem with the test, however, is that its paradigm is broadly negative. It’s like the Lacanian paradigm, which presumes that we all suffer from an essential lack. But that is bourgeois. (Such a paradigm is also, by the way, the psychological basis for capitalist struggle — if our emotional sense of lack can never be replaced by fulfilment, we are all bound to seek material compensation past the limits of our actual material needs.) But we must instead grant that one does not always struggle under conditions of lack and unhappiness and that certain material conditions can, indeed, remedy many of the world’s problems in a genuine (rather than illusory) sense.
So, on this note, I didn’t agree at all with the test’s report of the “nature of the problem” — that I was in danger of expending my individual energies on “meaningless activities”.
My activities could only possibly be considered meaningless if they were inherently unable to replace my sense of lack with a genuine feeling of plenitude.
R. and I both took it and her comment was “that’s creepy, it’s so, like, yeah!”
I concur.
Prof. Zero–where did you find this? I found it uncanny, like Joanna and her friend R.
Now I’m officially a little bit freaked out.
J – of course I only take it when I have an actual sense of lack.
Historiann (et al) – I can’t remember where I found it! It was a couple of years ago. On a links page. I was seeking psychological test info around escaping from my ex, and I came upon it!
I should find out more about how they made it.
That was really interesting.
Yeah, the “person” sounds like the depressed one.
Interesting test. According to the test, I am driven by hope and desire. True. 🙂 It’s cool. It caused me to take a closer look at Stephen. He’s all right. Thanks.
Yes – I like this test quite a lot, I find it very objective … and I just got some results which were not very complimentary, so it’s sort of a good warning device as well (usually this test is quite nice to me).
There’s also this one which looks really beautiful – you chose geometrical shapes, and it feels great to take it – but to get the results you have to get a pin that they text to your cell phone, and I refuse to do that.
http://www.atzmi.com/Default.aspx
P.S. Now I have – also picking a set of colors that appeals to me oddly today, not my usual sequence which is based on the colors I actually wear and paint my rooms …
EXISTING SITUATION:
Easily affected by her environment and readily moved by the emotions of others. Seeks congenial relationships and an occupation which will promote them.
STRESS SOURCES:
Wants to overcome a feeling of emptiness and of separation from others. Believes that life still has far more to offer and that she may miss her share of experiences if she fails to make the best use of every opportunity. She therefore pursues her objectives with a fierce intensity and commits herself deeply and readily. [Feels herself to be completely competent in any field in which she engages*], and can sometimes be considered by others to be interfering or meddlesome.
*I disagree strongly with that.
RESTRAINED CHARACTERISTICS
Feels trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation and seeking some way of gaining relief. Able to achieve satisfaction from sexual activity.
DESIRED OBJECTIVE
[Wants to make a favorable impression and be regarded as a special personality. Is therefore constantly on the watch to see whether on the watch to see whether she is succeeding in this and how others are reacting to her. This makes her feel she is in control. Uses tactics cleverly in order to obtain influence and special recognition.*]
Susceptible to the esthetic or original.
*I disagree with this, too, although I know it is my last ditch technique to save myself. I.E., when I get this way, I know it is a sign my situation is desperate or that I am reacting to it as though it were.
ACTUAL PROBLEM
Afraid that she may be prevented from achieving the things she wants and therefore demands that others should recognize her right to them.*
*That is exactly right. And the thing I want is very simple: a civilized conversation with my chair about my professional goals and ways to achieve some of them here, organization of my subunit, ways to support assistant professors in this subunit so that those positions do not continue to be revolving doors, and improved communication in the main office. I have been trying to have this conversation off and on for four years. This year I have been trying harder, and for the last six weeks I have been trying really hard to get a meeting. I keep getting blown off and I am quite desperate, as I need answers very soon on certain simple things such as whether it would be convenient for me to teach in Honors next year.
ACTUAL PROBLEM #2
Strongly resists outside influence and any interference with her freedom to make her own decisions and plans. Works to establish and strengthen her own position.*
I strongly disagree with this. I have bent and bent and bent in this job until I had no identity left except on this blog. If I am now trying to establish and strengthen my own position it is only because I have allowed myself to be eroded down to the core.
Your interlocutor is remarkably lucid. At first I wanted to say, “I have had that conversation soooo many times,” and then I realized that it is really three conversations i have had over and over (“you’re depressed,” “life is hard/things aren’t better anywhere else,” “you need to relax more.”) Most single interlocutors can’t get all that into one conversation!
S – I am conflating many conversations, of course! This particular conversation, like much of this blog, is not fictional, but it was created through condensation and displacement!
Hmm…the test just told me that I couldn’t make a decision about something and therefore am strung out to dry. But the point is I am awaiting medical results (not mine –another’s) and so am strung out to dry.
The Atzmi doesn’t read me very well. Or perhaps I am still in a clumsy and cumbersome mode at the moment. It is taking me a while to wake up today.
Or, alternatively, perhaps I’m just in a mode of feeling like I want to switch off from abstract ideas and stuff, because I’ve been focussing on them too damn hard, and have to meet my supervisor again today and focus on them once more. So I’m getting low ratings from Atzmi concerning the things I’m actually good at. Conversely it sees me as accepting normal gender relations and being kind hearted. These are not exactly my tendencies. I think that one explanation for all this might be found in Jungian personality theory. Apparently, when fatigued, an ENTP can respond to life in the manner of an ISFJ. So perhaps this is what is happening to me. I think that my mother is an ISFJ and she would be described as very kind hearted but poor on an abstract and theoretical level.
..in other words, I am relating from the point of view not of my normal personality but of my unconscious.
So, did you get the Atzmi to text message you and everything?
no, just clicked on the full report and got it. Gave them my mobile phone number with international code. They can use that if they want — but I already got the results.
Oooh – I’m tempted to try that, then!!!
ok. Try to do the test carefully, though, not intuitively and erratically like I did.
Well, it doesn’t believe my cell phone number. Did you put in dashes?
no spaces and no dashes
P.S. Now I’ve done it with dashes and it worked but it has texted the PIN to my cell phone, which does not receive text messages. I’m screwed! Or maybe not – last time I did it without spaces or dashes and it just sat there, no new screen. I’ll try again tomorrow, now I’m up too late again… 😉
It’s hopeless. It insists on sending a PIN to my cell phone. I refuse to be picking up text messages on the cell phone – getting that service activated on it – even though this test is very fascinating and beautiful.
weird.
it didn’t send me a pin
Anyways, I tried the test again, and answered it very differently from before, but I still received the same results. Apparently my potential in terms of abstract thinking is abysmal. What am I to do?
Oh, and I have poor verbal ability.
I’m very curious as to what it would say because I did not have negative feelings about any of the images.
Oh, I think the answers from the test might not correlate with anything in particular. It is very likely that those image do not exist as archetypes in the human mind in general. Hence, one’s reactions to them has no objective meaning.
Hence, one’s reactions to them has no objective meaning.
See! Poor verbal ability.
I meant “have”
OK I gave up and accepted the text message – I hope it does not cost money or that by agreeing to the Atzmi terms without reading them I have not agreed to spend money.
It has me very strong on four things:
Focused, purposeful speech
Rich verbal ability
Natural emotional openness
Natural affinity for male-female interactions
and neutral, or medium – that is, capable but not enthusiastic, I suppose – on everything else.
I think it is sort of true. In any case I am very satisfied because I have the answers, and I will only be dissatisfied if I get a bill.
Oh cool. I got practical application of original thought as very high. But in all other respects I am apparently my mother.
Practical application of original thought, I can see that. Your mother … that’s funny! 😉
I should NOT be in a university doing a graduate thesis, according to the test’s assessment of me. Primary school teaching maybe?
Ay, no. The thing is that if you do a thesis on shamanism without being an anthropologist, people will have trouble understanding: Marx they get, Lacan they get, etc., but shamans? It’s outside their reality. And yet it is true.
huh?
Well my secondary supervisor gets it.
…something about a metonymic idea of shamanism. But the intellectual precedent for this is already there in the Perkinson article. I’m not being that ground breaking.
GOOD! Then d*** the test!
LIke I said it it possible that the test doesn’t measure anything.