I am not a Fashion Free Feminist, and this is terrible: I have discovered I have cellulite, visible cellulite, right in the leg. It is a serious Fashion Problem [FP]. I noticed it when I tried on bathing suits. Now I do not know what to buy. Unfamiliar with bathing suits other than bikinis and Speedos, I have entered the world of bathing suits for the imperfect. They are all awful. What can I do?
Bikinis are anachronistic if you have my FP. Speedos cover your good skin up and flatten you all out, so there is nothing left to look at BUT the FP. Floppy shorts are sold for bathing suits now, but that is ridiculous: who wants to wear wet floppy shorts? Prints are better than solid colors because they mimic the FP and draw the eye away from it. And interesting tops draw the eye upward. This much I have figured out. I need to know more.
There are many bathing suits for fat ladies, but none addresses my particular FP. Why? You can cover up your stomach in a lot of ways, and squeeze your waist. You can have underwiring and push-up bras. You can even get tops endowed with a type of water tank, to make you look more pneumatic. And there is no shortage of matronly two-piece suits with ruffles, sequins, boy shorts, and little skirts. But there is no remedy offered for MY FP, and this ruins my self-image as a Beach Person. The only suit which could rescue my fashion emergency would be something like a short leotard. If I were a surfer, I would have a miniature wetsuit.
Why has this problem not been addressed? It must be a common one – oder nicht? (And if not, why not?) Can I get a fashionable bikini top with some sort of light bike shorts? This, I discern, would solve my problem, but it is the one type of bathing suit I have never seen. Could I really be the only person who wants such a thing? HELP! I am drowning in unacceptable bathing suits! I need tips and advice!
Axé.
coldhearted scientist وداد 
Welcome to the decade of hardcore work on aging body acceptance! Either one stops going to the beach for fear that others will look with scorn on one’s FP, or one looks around and realizes that everyone else has some FP as well, usually only of concern to them. I have also begun to have more cellulite now that I have passed menopause, and it has to do with how my body is metabolizing differently. I also have a brand new “menopot” that I never had before. After decade of a flat belly, my waist has migrated north. I know that if I did some more exercise, dropped a few pounds and did serious crunches and leg lifts I could improve my appearance, but frankly? I’m too lazy.
Above all, do not spend a penny on all those quack remedies as they do not work! Cellulite is about how the adipose tissue is arranged under the skin, and can only be reduced (although not necessarily elminated) by a combination of overall weight loss (or more precisely lowering the percentage of body fat) and exercise to firm up overall muscle and skin tone.
Eat healthy food, do the exercise that makes your body feel good, and buy a suit that is comfortable to swim in. Nobody can see your cellulite when you are in the water. Good posture and a big smile are the best distractions from FPs, anyway.
I’m pretty sure they have bathing suits with bikini tops and boy shorts (i.e., a specific kind of fitted short for women). I know they definitely have bikini tops and bikini bottoms with a modest skirt attached – not the matronly type you’re describing. I must have tried on a gazillion suits this spring at Macy’s. My personal preference is solid black on the bottom and an eye-catching neckline/bust shape that draws the eye upward (a halter usually). My legs are not my problem though, although I am seeing some cellulite emerge.
A friend of mine loves Land End suits. I personally favor the department stores because of the selection. At places like J. Crew you can mix and match tops and bottoms.
I used to have some shorts not dissimilar from these:
http://www.rei.com/product/767702?cm_mmc=cse_bizrate-_-datafeed-_-product-_-767702&mr
I have five suits, because I’m in the water at least three times a week.
I like the tugless tank, but I have found suits at Ross that are just as good for very cheap. I have one tankini that probably looks best on me, but tankinis are too expensive for what they are. I don’t wear skirts or any “I’m ashamed of my body” swim gear.
A tip: suits look best if you buy them one size larger than your dress size. Most people err in the opposite direction and risk that stuffed sausage effect.
Also, when I first came here I wore exercise bras and shorts, which many of the local women do too. They do not allow their shape or size keep them out of the water!
I have not had an ideal figure, ever, and now at age 69 I have a choice. I can deprive myself of the pleasure of sun and water or bite the bullet and decide I’m entitled to enjoy life even though I’m not perfect. I note that I always looked much cuter than I thought I did, and I’m hoping that’s still true!
Hell, I even went naked at a spa resort a couple of weeks ago. Gasp! The world did not come to an end as a result of others viewing my elderly charms!
Ah, but that fat free Peruvian diet and climbing up all those hills are sub-Olympic training, so I think I am mostly stuck with the cellulite unless I can get it out with yoga. I bought contact lenses instead – my first contact lenses. Excellent. I can see everywhere. But I still want the *right* bathing suit, and I have been to the very best store, and they are all awful!
OMG, more advice, excellent, merci! I will check out these suits!
The shorts, suits in these websites, etc., are better than any I have seen. Perhaps my whole town is too matronly – either you are a Matron or you are a Stripper, we are very Madonna / Whorish here. It’s the combination of traditional Catholicism and more modern generalized Abstinence Only Education.
I think I am as cellulite reduced as I could be already, so I will not buy the quack remedies. I bought contact lenses for the price of a quack cellulite remedy and they are a major rejuvenation tactic, je vous le dis! They are 100% amazing and a 400% improvement over glasses.
This is the list of things I *do* want to spend money and energy on. Some of it is quackery but I can’t help it, it is the influence of all the time I have spent in Latin@ world. At least I am not threatening to have surgery. Chola soy, y no me compadezcan:
* Rejuvederm for fine lines
* Lifting cream
* Regular manicures and facials
* Saline injections or laser treatment for spider veins
* Remember to always put sunscreen on V of V necks, forearms, and hands
* Redo the crown I got on my front tooth when I was 14. It is still in perfect shape for use purposes but it has never really been the right color … a flaw I did not mind when I was more flawless, but which, if corrected, would now make a noticeable difference.
LOL–If this is your biggest FP, I say, the most important thing for you to wear is your self confidence! And I agree with the others-mix and match suits are the best bet for all of us with FPs!
Well, after a few months of late fall and winter I have more FPs than after a few months of spring and summer. But I have now ordered the Tugless Tank which is on sale at Land’s End, and I am fascinated with the Land’s End site! But now I am looking at the J. Crew site and I love it!
http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Browse/WomenBrowse/Women_Shop_By_Category/swim.jsp
I didn’t know I would like something as famously middlebrow as J. Crew, but I do! (Note that a neighbor says she recognizes many of Michelle Obama’s clothes from the J. Crew catalogue.)