If I put lime on anything I am instantly transported to Latin America, where Reeducation does not reach me. I think I shall put lime on everything, every day, in addition to expanding myself through yoga.

I have said it before but it is ever clearer to me how Reeducation insisted on the establishment of a perfectly sadistic relationship to oneself. It was required one relive one’s most painful moments, inflicting them upon oneself now. This was breathtaking.

By breathtaking I refer to suffocation, not to the sublime.

Thus was I taught to permit, at home and in my own town or parish, things I would never permit in the city, or back home in Greater Mexico, or abroad. And I am slightly anxious about going abroad because I know I bear the marks of what I allow to go on at home and that it is uncomfortable for people. This only means, of course, that I need to spend more time in strengthening places, and not check my strength at the parish line.

It is embarrassing to have been engaged for so many years in torture and recovery, and to have been too disabled to escape. And I want to talk about it, yet I know it is burdensome for others, and also hard to understand for people who have not been subjected to it. And of course one is ashamed of what is happening, and does not want people to know.

Actually I do not mind people knowing. I want relief from the torture world, time away from it. I do not want that world as part of my identity.


4 thoughts on “Lime

  1. This doesn’t address the Reeducation part, but everything is better with limes. I put limes on/in everything; they’re the main reason I can’t be a locavore.

  2. It is embarrassing to have been engaged for so many years in torture and recovery, and to have been too disabled to escape.

    Why is it so embarrassing? I’m sure it is the story of those who have been the victims of various ideologies throughout the ages.

    What is embarrassing is not to have escaped. But if you have escaped you have to pat yourself on the back. It’s quite a rare occurrence.

    1. True although I tend to think one should have adjusted and become productive in the system, or should have stayed more strongly out of it. But either of those poles is a really tall order.

  3. Lime is arguably the best food.

    To have escaped, yes, but I claim it took too long.

    Anyway, today in Madrid at the Libreria de Mujeres , I saw a Spanish translation of the Judith Hermann book, Trauma and Recovery, that people keep quoting on blogs re these matters. It looks really good, but is thick and costs over 25 euros. I’ll get it in English at home, or in a library or something. It looks smart, smart, smart and again, I cannot believe the professionals who supposedly deal with these things don’t have this kind of training…

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