It appears that the eternal foodstuffs of artistic achievement are “discipline, fortitude, ambition and self-belief.” These were not allowed in Re/Education, and that explains my problems with it.

It has been an entire weekend of rather boring work, frustrating in part because all of it must be done rather superficially, uninterestingly. I was tired and went on a walk. Now I will write this post, and then I will do one more thing. Then I will stop, and get up very early. I will be in the office at six.


I am trying to reconstruct myself. In the spring I thought about this, theorized it, designed it. Now I am trying to do it. Despite all the flashes of identity I always have, it isn’t easy to reconstruct self. To do this I am going to take guerrilla action to streamline work. The Blackguard would like me to change the whole system, and the Whiteman would like me to submit to it and/or change it to the benefit of everyone else, but the only answer is to take guerrilla action on my own behalf. I see that others have done this. Of course the best solution would be to think systemically, but in the impossibility of this I will take guerrilla action on my own behalf.

When did I give up legitimate authority in life: in a series of somewhat forced decisions in the late 20th century. What was life like before that: I had not yet learned it was illegitimate to save myself and required to rescue others. I was far more centered then, and happier, and I got more done. I am taking back legitimate authority in life and one thing it means is putting academic service last. When I remember how much non exhausted time of my own I had in the days when I still held legitimate authority, I am positively amazed.


4 thoughts on “Gabo

  1. Two hours late to office. Ah well … I did do the other thing I was supposed to do and I don’t feel too bad. Things, may be improving.

  2. Discipline, fortitude, ambition, and self belief. I like that.
    Yes, because no one can take these things away from you no matter what the circumstances are of your life.
    You know what your life’s work is, and you do it.

  3. My God. This post seems like ancient history and it has only been 3 days. We have had a lot of conversations in these 3 days and we may have fixed most of the problems in my main department. This is because we have identified them and agreed that these are the problems. I feel completely different.

    I mean, completely different.

  4. Knowing what your life’s work is and doing it. I’ve had some trouble, actually, knowing what it was. Does everyone, I wonder … or did I really know, and was just convinced by the dourness of my interlocutors that this shouldn’t be it, or that it would be inaccessible? Deciding that it is, and deciding it is accessible, has been really helpful to me in the periods I’ve done that. It makes it possible to both commit and let go, and it keeps the ghosts away.

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