It keeps freezing and then getting warm. Over Mardi Gras there was snow.

I keep coming to points where I declare myself free of Reeducation but then realize I am not really.

Then I start over. I have now started over at a whole new level and it feels like physical exercise.

It might be epoch making.


4 thoughts on “Spring

  1. Ah yes, the part that feels like it is physical exercise! That is when you are really doing some inter-psychical sparring. I believe this part lasts the best of your mature life. After that, repose, and downhill from there.

  2. Yes. Brief cryptic notes are similarities and differences between this and jumping into Reeducation, or into the conditions of my current job, or into the relationship with my ex the strange one.

    Also that this really is like psychoanalysis, maybe, in that it is a structural change.

    Also, that Reeducation really did activate the kinds of issues that one gets psychoanalyzed for, it just dealt with them very destructively.

    Mine would be being focused upon, projected into and invaded at the same time as in fact ignored, and not having anywhere to flee — and therefore reaching out to the invader in an effort to engage them at a level that would be more comfortable to *me.* I tend never to assume I can just dodge / stand aside / etc.

  3. I ‘m thinking about Derrida’s notion that language always needs supplementation in order to give it its metaphysical “presence”. Otherwise, it tends to remain slippery, unstable — which is effectively to say “without authority”. I think about how much of patriarchal thinking is designed to make language appear to be stable — indeed to stabilise it so that certain words can have only one meaning, or at best a few of them, that are considered to be authentic currency. And yet, despite all this effort to stabilise reality through language — to, in effect, hypostatise language into ideology — the patriarch remains victim to slippages, to the assaults of contingency against the absolutism of the ideological system he wishes to set up. That is why he tries to bring women into play, to BE that supplementation of language, that emotional presence, that gives language its ideological quotient — its stability.

    But this means that women cannot be their own meaning, cannot position themselves at their own centre. Rather, they are do be decentered from themselves so that patriarchal meaning can be furnished by women’s emotional quotient.

    This is why men are typically inclined to preach at women: “What you say isn’t what you mean, it’s just emotionalism. In fact, what I am saying, as a male, in inscribing the overarching ideology (the hegemony) is what is really meaning.”

    And yet at the same time as he says this, he must sense that his words are just words — basically empty. It is not the words themselves, then, but his capacity to decenter you with them, that enables his words to have objective (which is to say *unshifting* meaning) — for by decentering you, he obtains his psychological supplement that gives the words an emotional presence. “These words,” he says to himself “are spirit” — “they are capable of commanding reality.”

  4. I am told that organizational change feels like what happens in psychotherapy and is in some ways harder.

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