coldhearted scientist وداد

I

Now that assistant professor from my other department has written about 30% of our grant and done a really good job of it, too. If we win, it may be because of him and I am tempted to write our (i.e., my other) department chair to say so. When I first met this assistant professor it was because I had gone to his office hour. I was delighted that we/they had finally been able to hire in this field and I wanted to recruit said assistant professor to collaborate in my third program.

He was unable to speak, having had the bad news that someone on his committee had gone on sabbatical without signing his dissertation, such that he did not have the expected PhD and was therefore condemned to teach four large classes out of field, with no T.A., until new news arrived. He was losing his mind, having stayed up too late getting ready for these classes and trying to absorb the news.

Later this same assistant professor gave a good lecture in our speaker series and now, because of the grant, I have everyone’s vita. He had three articles and an edited collection come out in 2011, and as I say, he has written about 30% of our grant. I am not trying to suggest work resolves everything, but only that things can sometimes improve.

II

So, how is he doing it? More or less the way I did before I went into my decline, after finally having been convinced it really was not appropriate to look well and do things with ease, since I was not in a demographic that ought to do things easily and since so many people had such a hard time and suffered so very greatly.

He runs and rides bicycles, goes away weekends and summers, and is repeatedly tagged on Facebook, out. He stays in the office until 9, then goes home to have dinner and heads out at 10 to catch the first set. If you only stay for the first set, you can still get up early the next day.

III

Of course it is easier for him in some ways, being a man and so not getting a kind of respect women never do, and being recognized and trusted by the other white guys in his department as one of the tribe. Of course you can point out that he was funded in graduate school; he got a dissertation research fellowship from one entity and a dissertation writing fellowship from another.  But he does not come from a fancy background, he did not go to a fancy college, and he is working here.

I am not going to tell him that, for form’s sake, he ought to evince higher levels of effort and suffering. You have to keep your strength up to work in this place – you cannot afford to betray your looks, your good health and your original reasons for getting into this business because if you indulge yourself in the luxury of self destruction you will really be lost.

I see no value in complaining about the advantages this person has had, such as they are, or criticize him for enjoying life. Other people, who also publish but do not enjoy life, such as my colleague the Blackguard (who is, moreover, now involved in writing poison pen letters), are suffering but must we all?

And anyway, who do you want to work with? The Blackguard, who calls on the phone and moans and groans, or this honey-haired child, who goes on Facebook saying “I am having trouble resolving this chapter, and if I do not build up some steam on it within the next 30 minutes I am heading out. This is the club, this is the band, I really recommend this event and maybe I’ll see some of you there!”

CODA

I mean: work is already hard enough already, and I do not want it rubbed in. I like seeing strong people glide about the halls on their magic skateboards, smiling as they get one thing done after the other.

Axé.