One thing abusive people often do is find something which is not a problem and try to say it is, or find a small problem and say it is much worse than you realize.
Below I give some ridiculous examples of this, but I notice that people try it all the time in more subtle ways. I am starting to realize that any time my skin crawls it means someone is trying a gaslighting strategy like these.
“You don’t see it, but you are failing, and the proof that you are sure to fail is that you do not even realize it.”
“If you do not feel cataclysmically upset about [X], you are unaware of your true situation and there is therefore something wrong with you.”
“You should not just feel irritated, you should be afraid … and if you are not, then you are In Denial, or are simply an Unfeeling Person.”
“No matter how foolhardy I may be you must do as I say, because I need to tell you to do things and I need what you are doing on your own judgment to be wrong.”
Axé.
coldhearted scientist وداد 
Right. The one I get a lot with one particular abusive person is that if I am not as upset/concerned as s/he is about something, I am not a good xxxx. I have to follow the exact script as s/he does in order to be as good an xxxx as her. Or him.