This is what I have to say on advice for protecting one’s career and not spending too much time on teaching, carajo.
I love the atmosphere of a public R-1 and I wish I worked for one that had Ph.D programs in my precise interdisciplinary disciplines, but what I have to say to faculty at such places right now is FUCK YOU LAZY-ASS FUCKS!
For my sins and poor choices in life I am now reviewing applications for a Federal scholarship. Your students are being beat out entirely by students from the Ivy League and more importantly, from nameless community colleges and directional institutions. These students are either a lot smarter than yours, or they have had reasonable advice on how to prepare an application for an external grant.
I am betting they have had advice. That would be advice students at YOUR INSTITUTIONS, including MY ALMA MATER and at least one major institution FOR WHICH I HAVE WORKED and WHICH I LOVE, have obviously not received.
You have got to get your act together. The Student Affairs Officers to whom your work (most likely by administrative fiat, I know) has now been delegated, are not competent and cannot be. People who are applying for the first time for any kind of research grant have to talk to someone who has actually done this their own self. That would be YOU and not some secretary.
I realize you probably have much else to do. I understand, and I even identify with your many excuses. I accept above all that you may not care. However, much though I will continue to promote your books and even sympathize with your problems — you who have research funding, you who I have lately been assured make almost six figures (although my own direct knowledge and also research does not bear this last out) — I condemn your laziness which is extreme.
When people complain of elitism it is precisely this kind of thing they are complaining about, so be aware and get off your lazy, self-absorbed asses.
I require that additional funding be sent instantly to the nameless community colleges and directional institutions who are actually doing an important part of their condemned jobs, which is also an important part of your 2-2 and 2-1 teaching loads and that you are not doing.
As an undergraduate at a public R-1, actually a so-called public Ivy, I had such advice. I will under no circumstances accept your doing less than my professors did. I understand that times have changed, pero de cualquier modo…. There. Is. No. Excuse.
Actually, this: if you do not get off your fucking asses and do some God-damned work, I will begin to believe that the reason I got the nice, careful, correct, useful advice that I got was that I was a nice-looking little girl, and you knew my father, and I was white.
As has been said in Spanish: I shit in the milk of the filthy whore who bore you — who, thinking about it, must be Ivy League –, and my heart bleeds for the students you swindle daily.