Dear Administration,
Everything you have heard about me, namely that I am a devil from the University of California, is true. That sturdy Golden Bear, whose football games I disdained back in the day, watches me from the sky even now.
If you give me the faculty I want from this campus, I can recruit students from anywhere, including Columbia and Harvard, without shame. If you do not, then I cannot, and I will lose interest in your proposed program which is marked for failure anyway, at least if it remains in the larval form you have assigned it.
I will cultivate my garden which has more potential than your garden could dream of having, anyway.
Axé.
coldhearted scientist وداد 
Nice bear to relate to. Glad that you post it in the morning because I can see every detail. In the evening though I have difficulties seeing and writing. It seems that my eyes are better adapted to the daylight.
Go Bears!
I will be humming this all day as I grade papers!