The writing group is ill so I am calling people here since this is the check-in day. I am reiterating the prompt from last week, on being a happy writer. It is good and applies to more than theses; like all writing advice it applies to academic work generally and I in particular would do well to apply it to academic work generally.
This week’s goals were: finish other application, finish abstract for conference, actually finish those 500 words or more.
Actual accomplishments were: continued work toward abstract for that conference and also continued work toward the 500 words. Useful research. The feeling that the project is really moving. Immersion; enjoyment.
Change in general plan is: the deadline for the conference turns out to be at the end of the month, not this week. So I did not miss it. I am going to see whether I can actually write a full draft of the paper itself by the time the abstract is due. At the same time I will work on the abstract. I want to send the abstract before the deadline, however.
Goals for next week are: the abstract, the other application, the 500 words; state income tax, finally rejoin my two remaining professional associations for the year. Exercise; buy sandpaper and other materials for refurbishing the deck.
Analysis: My house was broken into this week and dealing with this is where some of my time and energy went. I also had a couple of teaching glitches — people think my classes are too hard (which I think is ridiculous) and this set off my C-PTSD or whatever it is I have. My academic trauma is about teaching and I would like to handle it better. I will just keep on being the professor.
In general with these various psychic wounds I have, I think it is important to isolate certain specific incidents I want to heal from. For instance: specific words said during a few drunken beat-downs, not something more drawn out or worse. Some other incidents that again, need not be interpreted as portents of the rest of life. I think it is fair to say one can clear oneself of things.
In the patriarchal and Gothic logic of mainstream American healing everything takes a long time and much sacrifice and penitence attends one. In another model of thinking one can simply crown oneself cured.
Today was my day off and I had forgotten this. I am glad since I did not get a great deal done. In the morning I did some work for a course and thought about some of the week’s issues (work related). My new alarm was installed. I had coffee with a friend and spoke with another, and continued to process the week’s issues (life related). Now I am finished and it is getting dark.
Axé.
coldhearted scientist وداد 
It is not just Reeducation and its refutation that I no longer wish to put myself through. It is also martyrization about not being the right kind of professor for the kinds of institutions I work for. This martyrization isn’t professional and it also does not help me become more of the right kind of professor for such institutions (were I to wish that).
My last goals: At least 1 hour a day; 10 lines of the IPM; start checking Chunk 2 of the translation (at least 1/2 hour, 3 times); check in at least once with MMP-1, MMP-2, and MMP-3, and try to do one concrete thing for each of them (this can be something as small as “write one sentence”).
Achieved: One hour a day, mostly on MMP-1, and yesterday on a query about a piece of the translation that was not the scheduled bit to work on. No IPM, no other translation.
Analysis: I am finding it difficult to work on things that aren’t clearly part of my main project, perhaps partly because the “main project” has split into multiple pieces. I don’t like feeling that my attention is being scattered among too many things. It’s all right having multiple research projects in summer, when I don’t usually have to deal with teaching or service, but when I’m already juggling classes and committees, I like “research” to be one clearly defined thing. I am not sure what to do about this, because I do have these other things I need to do. The IPM really is related to MMP-1, so that should make it easier, but transcribing feels so different from writing that it’s hard to get started. I would continue to put the translation on one side, but the rest of the team is way ahead of me and my slowness is causing them some trouble, so somehow I need to continue to practice juggling till I can do a little better.
Next goals: Final revisions for the MMP-Companion (accepted last fall) and send it off. See how much progress I can make with MMP-1 and MMP-3 in a two-day writing retreat: writing half of MMP-1 and getting some topic sentences for MMP-3 would be good. Anything further is gravy. Schedule at least one hour each for the IPM and translation and show up for that work; build on that success if possible.
On being a happy writer: I have become aware of how affected I am by matters outside my control (winter, weather) and by other physical influences (trouble sleeping). When I am rested and there is sunlight, I feel like everything is easy and work is enjoyable. When I am tired, I feel like I am nearly buried in mud and everything seems difficult. The sleep disorder means that simple advice like “get more sleep” is not easy to put into practice. But it is useful to remember that I don’t find the work intrinsically difficult or unpleasant.
How I feel makes a huge difference. I do not live well enough — stay up too late and do not exercise enough — and it is a function of environment, don’t like the town and this is a way of avoiding it. I need to get much more proactive about it — when I first got here, I got involved with a man whose strategy around these things was to stay home, cook, watch movies, and so on, and this really worked for him; I cannot believe I still have his habits sometimes … I do much better getting up and going.
It is lovely to visit you here as part of the writing group. It feels connected when we move around like this to help each other. I am sorry about your house break in- this has happened to me previously. we also got an alarm and had no further trouble- although our neighbour with no alarm has since been broken in to twice. I guess burglars go for what is easy.
Immersion in research. Emerging into cold air.
Hi Kiwi and thanks for coming! I got an alarm.
Emerging into cold air, I love this image.
Last week’s goal: T/R 3hrs.
Achieved: I was able to work T and some on Fri.
Next’s week’s goal: It is Spring Break and I am going all out and aiming for 40 pages. That means writing my introduction and finishing chapter 4, and cleaning up my conference paper.
Analysis: I am optimistic about this coming week. I am aiming high, but I am OK as long as I make good progress. I need to get thoughts down on paper and start cleaning it up. Will I ever be a happy writer? I only hope to become more comfortable with my writing.
It was difficult writing this week because I had meetings all week, plus teaching. The hoopla with the TAs was this week. I was blindsided by all four of them. The gyst–I am still dealing with the poison that the TA from last semster spewed, and I didn’t stand a chance. Also, the TAs are frustrated that I am asking them to stick to the rubric that ALL of us came up with. It is OK, I think.
I am inspired by your high goals and by your sanguine attitude in this teaching and service situation, and I will emulate you this week.
I applied for something today, that I had not planned on applying for, so this is good.
And I finished the other little application. If I can finish the abstracts this week it will be good.