I am in so much pain, I don’t know what to do. I just dropped a family heirloom by mistake and broke it, which adds to the tragedy and is also why I am still concerned about whether or not I am safe to drive to Houston.
I cannot allow people, in this university but without expertise in field, and who are not research faculty and do not work at this level of the profession, to engage me in casual conversation on the pain I have been through in my department, even if they are just chatting and mean well. It is of mild interest to them, I suppose, but it is very difficult for me to go into with them, and it is a serious conversation, not a casual one.
When I start to look at what I have been through and what I have sacrificed I am so overwhelmed with sadness, I don’t have the strength to carry it.
I want to say to Facebook that I do not really feel safe to drive, so somebody will call me and come over and help me, come with me, change my mood, go back on the train, something, say it will be all right. There is an extra room in the house in Houston, so they could really come. But I do not want the university to find out how I feel.
What have we learned before about pain? It means I am torturing myself without need; it means I am thinking as I was taught to do as a child, not as I would have done myself; it means that if I would treat myself as I do others, it would stop.
Axé.
coldhearted scientist وداد 
Oh, dear. Treat yourself as I would treat you, okay?
Be well.
I’ve been catching up on your posts and am concerned about the pain you’re in. Do take care and be kind to yourself.
And I know that heirlooms are important, but an heirloom is ultimately a thing and you are a human being. You are more important. I know that won’t take away the upset feeling about having broken it, but please keep remembering that.
Oh, I am so sorry. I hope you can find people to meet your needs now.
Facebook update:
Narrowly avoided being part of pileup near exit 780 on I-10W, coming into Houston. I was very sanguine since my Zen always does return once I cross the state line and KPFT starts coming in, but it was harrowing. You should have flashers and carry flares, because the cars in question did not and the cops were not there yet. It was dangerous. Now ensconced off Dunlavy and it is so Californian, really, and seems so much like home. — in Houston, TX.
And: this seems totally surreal. As soon as I crossed the state line, I felt normal again. This was this Louisiana meltdown, Louisiana toxicity, it seems.