And so you can see

…that I am really angry about being pushed to things by people who know nothing of what they are discussing and of me. They think that academic jobs are nice, that all other jobs are wicked, and that I have no skills. Yet it is very important to them that I have an academic job. I am seething at everyone who has lectured on at me like this for so long.

I am seething more the people who have seen that they were wrong about everything and are now pushing me to retire … all right, I was wrong, they say, why don’t you retire, then?

Well: to be able to retire so soon before retirement age, in the first place, I would have had to have a lucrative job, not an academic one, so that would be unrealistic even if desired.

Next: I wanted a career. An academic career was not my first choice once I found out what these were really like, but I wanted a career and did not want to be a housewife. I have committed to some research projects because others wanted me to have an academic job, and I will not have them wrenched out of my hands now just because people have finally understood that academic jobs are not what they thought and that my plans and skill levels were better and higher than they thought.

L’enfer, c’est les autres.



4 thoughts on “And so you can see

  1. It sounds as if you were confronted with a stark choice: a career or a family. My daughter has both, but it means constant work. She is really enjoying time off with us over the holidays. The one thing she does not have to do is apply nurturing skills in her job, because her duties are so clearly defined, she can save her maternal skills for her children.

    But you, dear Professor, have years and years to accomplish anything you want!!!!!!

    Here I’m going into fortune cookie mode: you are resourceful and independent and will succeed in any endeavor you put your mind and energy to. You can go anywhere you want, do anything you want! We have these magic carpets called airplanes that can take us anywhere in the world! You could join the underground and fight for justice. Teach in Timbuktu or Taiwan. Join the fuckin’ Peace Corps! The possibilities are endless!

    No need to hug the shore. You are free!

    And Happy Holidays. I’ll be in the Bay Area in Jan. but I suspect after you have left.

    1. Hi Hattie and thanks for talking!

      I am just angry about having been talked out of coming back to California, and talked into going to Louisiana a second time. Very hard to get out now in a practical sense, even doing the things you say, and I am not very teaching oriented, I am afraid, have other, specific things I really want to do.

      But I am looking at a Mexican Fulbright as we speak, yes.

      I do hope we coincide somewhere, somehow.

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