So, while I think that in part I do undue violence to myself on this weblog, and that I must change that, I also say that in many posts I am not “procrastinating” but attempting to call forth the person who writes, and who is a person I either hid very well, or tortured and killed, or both, I am not sure. She is difficult to call forth, I will tell you, and she has good reason for it. I am going to take on the luxury of being that person, the pristine and confident version of me that lives elsewhere, in just a few minutes and stay in that identity for three hours.
However, I cannot resist this: here is an article on marriage by a therapist. Clarissa, look at it, you will just have to laugh. Gosh — “settling” — just so you can be married — and for what, exactly? I mean: this article recommends going into marriages knowing you are ambivalent about them, on the theory that you HAVE to be married.
I can remember what I was taught about that. First, that I was not attractive enough to be chosen by someone who would be nice to me, so I should look for someone who would be as non-abusive as possible. Because abusability was what I had to offer. Later, that one should marry for love and not out of desperation or fear of solitude. Or that marriage itself was an old paradigm. Do we really have to “settle,” now?
3 thoughts on “And now, some fluff”
Gosh, it’s hard to believe that the article is not a parody because how can people believe this sad baloney in 2014? I always knew that I would either meet an absolutely perfect man or live alone very happily. My first marriage was imposed on me, and I know the tragedy of living with a good guy whom you actually like but who isn’t the absolute love of your life. And it’s a horrible thing for everybody involved. Is there a greater form of self-hatred than to subject oneself to this to fulfill some idiotic medieval social norm? Jeez, what an idiot.
Good lord. Marry him despite his terrible taste and/or halitosis? Things like that will drive you crazy over time. It’s like houses. The little stuff you think you can put up with turns into big awful stuff you have to fix. Only it’s relatively easy to fix a house, compared to “fixing” another person. I think it’s key to accept the person you marry as s/he is: don’t expect marriage to change a person. He will not become neat, or stop yelling at the TV when his team loses, or whatever; and accepting that might look, to some, like “settling.” You notice this appears to be a single woman advocating settling (I didn’t have the stomach to read to the end): maybe she should talk to some divorcees about settling. Mejor sola que mal acompañada.
It is worse, DEH — the reason to settle is so that you can have a child. But it is all very Austen-esque, yes. And I’d hate to be the guy someone “settles” for…