What would help me would be not to have this constant feeling of doom. The university will be defunded, your program will close, your workload will rise, the things you do in good faith will turn out to be wrong. I have worked in stable environments and in environments where I did not have to be the one to create everything alone, and where what one did create did not then turn into a stick to beat one with. I have even worked in positive, collegial environments. Joyful ones!
I am tired of coming into work scared, and not having enough of the information I need to operate, and not having the kind of latitude or trust to work like a grownup. I feel like a mouse trying to get a Herculean set of tasks done while also living in constant fear of being stepped on and smashed. I want to hide in my mouse hole and work on research and writing and also a kind of teaching that seems to be interdicted here.